Or, like it would have been if I was in his position, he didn’t allow himself that intimacy but instead, forced himself to turn his back on what we had and jog away.

* * * * *

8:27 Sunday Night

“This is ridiculous,” I declared, eyes to the TV.

“It’s awesome,” Nick replied.

I turned my head to look at him sitting on the couch beside me.

We were meant to eat pork chops in front of the TV instead of where we usually ate, at his bar. This was because there was a program Nick said he wanted to watch.

And we’d done that.

But now our plates were on the coffee table, as were Nick’s bare feet (mine were tucked up under me at my side on the couch), and we were on episode two of Nick’s program.

A program that was ridiculous.

“I can say with relative certainty, Sebring, that if a lunatic had hold of just one, but most especially five nuclear weapons, pretty much every country’s government on this earth with the resources to put a stop to him would expend those resources to put a stop to him. Not just a single man who unfathomably has been expelled from the CIA for being too good at his job and his gay, deaf hacker sidekick who types faster on seven different keyboards without once saying, ‘Crap, missed a key,’ than a transcriptionist with twenty years of experience.”

After I quit speaking I noticed Nick staring at me with an expression on his face that was so beautiful, I had to stop breathing so I could take it in fully.

Then he burst out laughing at the same time his arm shot out and he caught me around the neck. When he had hold of me, without delay he yanked me so I went up and over my legs tucked to my side toward him and slammed into his side. Then he slid his arm down so it was around me, holding me close.

It didn’t need to be said I should have fought this. If I couldn’t fight it then I should have pushed away.

In fact, Nick and I should be fucking so I could be leaving rather than us hanging out watching TV.

But we were watching TV and I wasn’t fighting it.

I was done fighting it.

We had what we had and it was good.

And it kept getting better.

It had only been a couple of weeks but it was clear Nick had his life, I had mine, he didn’t share or pry, I didn’t either. It didn’t feel surface, what we had, but it also didn’t run deep.

What it did feel was safe.

Since he could do this, I was beginning to believe I could too.

So I relaxed into his hold and allowed myself to enjoy the sound, look and feel of his laughter.