Cover

Also by Cindy Cipriano

The Fading Series

Fading, book 1

Searching, book 2

Pretending, book 3

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Dedication

For Stephanie

Quote

There is no love without consequence.

Good or bad.

Prologue

Last year, my mother bought my favorite cake for my sweet sixteen. Three tiers of strawberry sponge with decadent cream-cheese filling. Each layer was moist and light and trimmed with a ribbon of piped pink frosting. I remember thinking I tasted the sugar before it touched my lips.

When I took a bite, I closed my eyes, allowing the sweetness to move through me in a wave. I shuddered with each sensation as the icing skimmed over my taste buds. In that moment, all I knew was the rush of a sugar high.

The way James kissed me made those sensations pale in comparison. I finally understood the term madly in love, because when his lips melted onto mine, I thought I’d go out of my mind with desire.

I’d often wondered what my life would have been like had I not gone to Judaculla, searching for James. It seemed unlikely at the time, but I supposed someone else might have come along and made me forget all about him.

In the end, my decision to go came down to just one thing.

I’d never get past the fact that I hadn’t tried.

1

Judaculla

I held my breath as I approached the small garden where clusters of rose bushes gently swayed in the breeze. The brightness of the full moon cast a silver brilliance on the ground like beams pouring out of God’s flashlight. Every rose bush was filled with golden pink blooms on long green stems. I was mesmerized, held frozen on the spot by the fragrance coming from the flowers. As I touched the velvety petal of one, I smiled, thinking of the many times James had brought me a single rose like the ones on this bush.

My house has a rose garden.

As with many things James Turner had told me, that was almost the truth.

I barely noticed when my finger snagged on a thorn, causing the tiniest scratch that gave up a single drop of blood. Rubbing my fingers together, I wiped away the blood until it was a rust-colored stripe on my thumb.

Since there wasn’t a house in sight, I knew this rose garden didn’t belong to James. I was equally certain he didn’t even have a rose garden in his yard. When he’d said, “his house,” he’d meant this place. His world. He’d meant Judaculla.

I shivered, wishing I’d thought to grab a jacket. The sun wouldn’t be up for another couple of hours, and the final days of April were no stranger to frost in the mountains. In fact, some May mornings were barely above freezing. I stood taller before glancing around for some kind of marker.

When I was younger, I’d spent hours with my dad hiking the trails of western North Carolina. His words came back to me, “Always leave a marker. That way you can get back to where you started. If there isn’t a natural marker, make one.”

I patted my pockets in vain for anything I could tie to a low branch. The only extra item I’d thought to bring pressed against the small of my back. I pushed the holster down a bit, making it snug, somewhat comforted when my fingers brushed against the metal of my pistol.

That was so unlike me.

I’d only ever used the weapon in shooting competitions, but something had tugged at me as I was leaving home. Maybe it was the uncertainty of what awaited me in Judaculla, but at the last moment, I’d retrieved the pistol from my gun safe. I hoped I wouldn’t need it.

I cast my eyes past the rose garden, and outward in every direction. Dense woods towered over the flowers’ quiet souls like black knights, keeping their beauty at bay. These impromptu guards formed a circle around the garden, daring the roses to leave their makeshift prison.

Nothing else stood out. There was no differentiation from one direction to another. When I looked back the way I’d come, I saw the path to my world was gone. Washed away like sands on the water’s edge. There was no turning back now.

I walked the circumference of the clearing, searching for the path that must lead into Judaculla. On my second walk around, I noticed several trails, their beginnings no more than a couple of inches wide. It was as if sand had spilled out from an hourglass, in the tiniest trickle.

On first glance, I didn’t see the paths; they were easily camouflaged by the debris of the forest floor. As I began noticing them, I saw that each was identical; there was no way of knowing if one was a better choice than the other. I decided taking any path would be more productive than just going around in circles. I committed to one and went deeper into the woods, turning back every few steps to put my eyes on the rose garden. It would have to serve as my marker, pointing me back home.

The trees crowded me, pushing me off the path as if I had no right to be in their forest, no right to be in Judaculla. The last time I’d checked, I couldn’t see the slightest hint of the rose garden. Its absence amplified my sense of isolation.

My fingers curled around the two pendants hanging from around my neck. One, a silver heart given to me by my best friend, Victor Santana.

Boyfriend, I corrected myself.

When James left Woodvine, all evidence of his existence was obliterated because he’d used the “fading”. This was a sort of spell that Judaculla boys used to mask their time in our world. James’s fading had caused some shifting in relationships to fill the gaping hole his absence left behind. In this shifted reality, I was dating Victor, my lifelong best friend. The silver heart was a gift he’d given me last Christmas.

The other pendant was a gold initial, “J,” for Judaculla. This was my wedding token. The one James carried to my world when he came in search of his mate. It was something he couldn’t bring himself to give me, choosing instead to leave it on Judaculla Rock when he left me behind. I gripped the J tighter, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as I continued down the desolate trail. James had never intended for me to be in his world. He didn’t know I was coming. And I didn’t know what I’d find. I hadn’t been walking for more than five minutes before I was attacked.

A rough hand grabbed my hair, yanking me backward. I lost my balance, landing with a thud on the leaf-strewn ground. To my credit, I didn’t stay down long. After I scrambled to my feet, I stared into my attacker’s icy blue eyes.

“It’s been a real head-scratcher, that’s for sure, but I guess I know now. You really are that stupid,” Ever said.

The smirk on her face, combined with the adrenaline pumping through my veins, was too much for me to handle. I crouched low and plowed into her, which only served to prove her point. I’d never been in a fight before, but apparently she had. Ever rolled away effortlessly, knocking me on my back in the process. In seconds, she was on her feet, her boot making contact with my stomach, pinning me down like a turtle stuck on its shell.

I glared at her, wishing I could slap that smug look off her face.

Ever grinned, applying even more force with her boot. “One day, Leath, you’re going to appreciate how much I’ve worked to save your butt.” She towered over me for a full minute before removing her foot and extending a hand to help me up.

I brushed her hand aside and stood on my own. I’d known I’d run into her here. I’d even prepared myself to stumble upon Ever with James, since they were friends, or whatever they were. I hadn’t quite figured that part out.

James had done a good job of explaining Ever away as a sponsor in his grief-support group. But, that was just his cover. Part of a carefully crafted story that took several years to develop, and one that paralleled my own with regards to the loss of a parent. I’d lost my father to a drunk driver three years before. When I met James, he told me he’d lost both of his parents. This was pure fiction. It was all a ploy to get close to me, win my empathy, and eventually my love. I’d given him that last part freely.

In truth, James had traveled to Woodvine, North Carolina for the sole purpose of collecting me, bringing me to live here with him in his world. What neither of us expected was to fall in love. In the end, James couldn’t bring himself to force me to live in Judaculla, where women were treated like property. And when he left, I couldn’t bring myself to live my life without him.

And so, I came to Judaculla in search of James. No firm plan for what I was going to do after that. Maybe convince him to return to Woodvine with me. Or maybe we’d make a life in Judaculla. All I knew was I had to put my eyes on him, hold him close, and never be separated from him again. And while I’d half-expected to find Ever with James, I’d never expected her to attack me.

“Ever,” I said, brushing the dirt from my hands.

“Leath,” Ever said, cocking an eyebrow.

We stood there for a few minutes, me pretending to clear away leaves and small branches from my jeans while waiting for Ever to explain herself. I was the one to cave and break our silence. “Well, it’s been great catching up and all, but I’m going to head out.”

“Good luck,” Ever said. “You don’t happen to know where James lives, do you?” I didn’t answer, choosing instead to shoot daggers at her with my eyes. “Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she said.

Turning away, Ever headed off the path I’d been traveling, taking another just a few inches wide. Not seeing another option, I followed, glaring at the back of her head and her flowing blonde hair. She wore tall boots, snug jeans, and a light jacket. She moved like a deer, graceful and quick. A few yards in, the trail widened to a few feet across. We must have switched off a dozen paths, each time taking an obscure, almost nonexistent trailhead as we wound deeper into the forest. If she wasn’t leading me to James, I hoped we were at least headed into town.

“Ever,” I said. My voice was even, but still demanding. “Where is he? Are we on the way to his house?”

She continued to ignore my questions as we walked along in silence, me two steps behind her. She led me to a small cottage in the middle of the dense forest. I questioned the logic in building a home on this spot where the trees were so close to the frame of the house. In some places, the branches appeared to bleed into the walls. The trunk of a large birch shot up through the porch floor and into the tin roof. The cottage seemed to have been integrated into the forest, as if the trees merely tolerated its presence.

I followed Ever up the front steps, stopping to admire smooth circles cut into the porch floor that accommodated the birch and other trees. Intricate trim work curved around each opening, giving them a finished look.

“Cole was a skilled carpenter,” Ever said.

Cole.

He’d been Ever’s husband and James’s best friend. James told me Cole’s death was unexpected; he’d died not long after he and Ever were married. I momentarily felt sorry for her. But, as was her way, Ever effectively ended my compassion by opening her mouth.

“I know you know about Cole,” she said. “James tells me everything.”

Ever’s casual use of James’s name and her familiarity with him caused my anger to stir. “Where is he?” I demanded.

She turned away to open the front door to the cottage. I followed her. Once inside, her demeanor quickly changed from slightly annoyed to highly agitated. She moved to the heavy drapes that framed a large picture window, and briskly yanked them closed.

“Sit down, and shut up,” Ever said.

Who does this girl think she is?

I cut my eyes at her, but complied. There was no denying it, I’d need her help to find James. I sat on an overstuffed chair, one of a pair that flanked a stone fireplace.

Ever went to the small kitchen on the other end of the cozy cottage. She pulled a teapot from the stove, filled it, then returned it. The odor from the gas burner drifted to me when she switched it on.

“I cannot believe you actually came here,” Ever said, flinging herself into the chair opposite me.

“Of course I’m here,” I hissed. “I came for—” I began, but she cut me off.

“James. I know. I know. You came for James. And just how did you think you’d be able to find him?”

“I didn’t think it would be that hard. We do speak the same language.”

“Meaning?” Ever asked.

“I was going to go into town, and then ask around for James Turner until I found him.”

“They’re all named Turner. Since that’s what they do. Turn girls away from their family to bring them here.” Ever laughed, and my insides burned. “So, good luck with that plan.”

“Screw you, Ever.”

I stood and strode purposefully toward the door, giving her time to stop me. She didn’t. I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob as my resolve crumbled. We’d passed by so many trails to end up at her cottage—none of them marked in any way. I had no clue how to get out of this maze. What if I took the wrong path? Wound up at the home of one of the crazies who ran this place? And even if I wanted to go back to Woodvine, it might take me days to get back to the trail that led to Judaculla Rock.

If I ever found it.

“Hmmm, nowhere to go, huh?”

Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her.

“Sit down. I’ll try to make this as easy for you to understand as possible. If you still don’t get it, you can ask questions when I’m finished,” Ever said.

Like a scolded child, I returned to the chair.

Ever stared at the mantelpiece perched above the fireplace. The thick slab looked like it had been taken from the heart of a single oak tree. Its golden stain matched the hardwood floors. Ever’s expression softened the longer she stared at the mantle. The mantelpiece had a calming effect on her, so I waited patiently, hoping she’d open up and actually provide some useful information.

After several agonizing minutes, she finally tore her eyes away and used them to bore into me. Ever shook her head, and her mouth made a tight line. She exhaled loudly before speaking. When she did, she seemed to be talking to herself.

“She’s here now,” Ever said, rolling her eyes. “No way to undo that one.” She focused on me. “I get it. Love everlasting and all that.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively. “That’s what they all say. But it’s not gonna work.”

“You don’t know James like I do.” I challenged.

Ever scoffed. “No. I don’t. I know him better than you do.”

I rose out of my seat, but Ever motioned for me to sit down. But what she said next was what caused me to sink back onto the chair.

“It won’t work because James doesn’t want you here.”

“And I’m just supposed to believe you?” I asked sarcastically. “And why, pray tell, doesn’t he? What—he loves someone else now? Maybe you?”

This time, it was Ever who rose as a murderous rage overtook her. She flew at me, nearly knocking my chair over with the force of her fist, which, at the last possible second, sailed past my face and struck the chair back.

She pointed her index finger in my face as she spoke. “I am for Cole. Always. Only for Cole. Do you understand?”

For once, I found I was able to relate to Ever. Cole had been her entire life. His death hadn’t ended the love she felt for him. Just as James’s fading from my life hadn’t ended my love for him.

“I’m sorry he’s gone,” I whispered.

Ever stood and turned her back on me, casting her eyes to the mantle again. “James will never be interested in me or any other woman in Judaculla. They all see us as property belonging to another man. There’s no other reason a woman would be here, other than to be married to her mate, so any other woman is off-limits. James would be suspicious of any female who approached him, even spoke to him. This includes you. But none of that matters. All you need to know is James didn’t want you to come to Judaculla. I know it’s hard for you to hear that, but the sooner you accept it, the easier it will be.”

“Easier for what?” I asked.

“For you to let him go,” Ever said.

“That’s never going to happen,” I said. “Do you have any idea what I’ve given up to be here? I walked away from my mother, my friends. From my entire life in Woodvine.”

Victor. I’d walked away from Victor. 

What must he think of me now? Did he even know me anymore? Had something or someone else filled the gap left behind by my disappearance? I chased these thoughts from my mind.

“So, how does that make you any different than the rest of us?” Ever asked. “Every single girl here did exactly the same thing.”

“The rest of you came here under the influence of your mate’s essence. You were tricked into coming.”

Ever’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah. James tells me everything,” I said, throwing her words back at her. “I’m different because I came here under my own free will.”

“Wait. You remember everything you left behind…” Ever said.

It was more of a statement than a question, but I still answered. “Of course I do. Don’t you remember who you left behind?” I asked.

“I thought James told you everything,” Ever said with a sneer.

Too late, I remembered what James had said about her. How Ever had no family and had willingly come to Judaculla with Cole. “Do the girls who are brought here remember their families?” I asked, trying to drive the conversation away from Ever’s sad past.

“I guess he forgot to tell you that one as well,” Ever said.

I hated that we were keeping score in a contest to decide which one of us held James’s confidence.

“No. They don’t remember. When a mate is brought into Judaculla, she forgets her past as soon as she crosses the boundary,” Ever said. “That way, she’ll never want to leave. But since you have your memories, it should make it easier for you to transition back to Woodvine.”

“What makes you think I’m going back?” I asked.

“Because if you truly love James, you’ll let him go.”

Her words bounced around in my head like a foreign language. If I could understand her feelings for Cole, why couldn’t she understand mine for James? I could no more let him go than I could stop breathing. I sat there, lost in my thoughts. At some point, Ever left the room. She returned, carrying a tray with the small teapot and two cups.

I regarded her skeptically.

“It’s not poisoned, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Ever said, pouring tea into each cup. She picked hers up and sat back in her chair. “Everyone here is expected to have their own blend. It’s a huge insult if you refuse a cup.”

After Ever took a couple of sips, I decided to take a chance. Lifting my cup to my nose, I sniffed. Cinnamon tea. I sipped from the steaming cup, grateful for the warmth that traveled through my body.

“I know you think I’m evil, but you’re wrong,” Ever said. “James was Cole’s best friend. And because I love Cole, I automatically love James. I just want what’s best for him.”

“How do you know I’m not what’s best for him?” I asked.

“I don’t. I don’t know you at all. But I do know that if you had come back with James, you would have been what was best for him. Not because of any feelings you may have for him. But because you wouldn’t have had a choice to be otherwise. You would have been what’s best for James regardless of what you wanted.”

“I don’t follow,” I said.

“The charm of being the subservient wife. You would have been the perfect match for him. Just like all those other half-wits at The House.”

I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but I wasn’t about to interrupt her, not when information was flowing freely.

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