lay back, wait for the Junkman to come get you. it seems the only sensible thing. world-renown means world-error. there’s never a way out. sit and wait for the ax to fall. just try not to be shocked by its fall. your head, my head. balls.

all right, man, they are beating on the walls.

I am not much good at constant correspondence. just felt like writing tonight. and your letter was down there on the floor. you were the target.

all right, another beer, another smoke, then to bed, waiting for ye Ax, ah.

[To Carl Weissner]

February 27, 1968

yes, I too have 35 or 40 unanswered letters, but now entirely beyond me to answer them; I can’t keep up; for each answer to a letter, 3 more come in. I am not in the letter-writing business. I am in a stricken-down stage now, anyhow, bad health, can barely make it about, hand on. I’ve just decided to let people think I’m a shit; it’s easier than answering all those letters. [* * *]

rumors on town hall reading of Bukowski, Corso, Micheline…impossible. didn’t you know I have made it known for years that I don’t read publicly? I am a shit, Carl. just turned down a reading, with fee, at Univ. of Southern Calif. Festival of the Arts. I’ve never read in public, don’t intend to unless it means the difference between starving in the gutter and starving in a closet. I prefer to starve in a closet. have turned down fees of from $200 and $700 and told them to go screw. I believe that if the pricks get a man on stage they get a man jumping through their hoop, they make a jerk out of him. I am not an actor, I am a creator, I hope. I do read on tape because this still leaves an area of solitude and peace, but actually I’ve done very little reading on tape and any professional actor could read my stuff better. for a general audience, that is. [* * *]