Make no mistake: I’m grateful for Lyric. Passwords used to be monitored by Tech. Those guys have Security on speed-dial – they’d have reported me at once. But Tech grew so overstretched with all the threats to our cybersecurity that each section is responsible for its own password management now.

Have I mentioned that Lyric has supplemented their range of eye colours with a fiery opal? It’s all the rage. Everywhere you look, the young look back with opalescent eyes. Mel tried it out but concluded that it didn’t suit her skin tone. Lyric’s gaze flickered blue and pink above me. Finally, ‘Don’t stay too long,’ they said. A minute passed. I heard the lift open and I heard it close. I realised that my armpits were drenched.

Bram’s eyes glistened when he thanked me. I fingergunned him and winked. ‘Think of the care you’ve shown Ivy,’ I said. ‘You’re one of the family. I know you’d do the same for us.’

Not long afterwards, Bram sent us a message. ‘Guys, it’s not great news. Ivy’s stool sample has tested positive for traces of blood. Taking into account other symptoms she’s been presenting with (weight loss, et cetera), I can’t rule out the possibility of cancerous cells in the bowel. That’s very treatable if detected early, so a colonoscopy is the next urgent step. I think we can all predict Ivy’s reaction! How about I stop by tomorrow evening and discuss everything with her? Be great to have you guys back me up.’

I talked my feelings through with Chanel in bed that night. Chanel was doing face yoga. She has to multi-task whenever possible. Think of her wellness schedule: half an hour of cardio, ten minutes of weights, morning yoga once a week, lunchtime swimming once a week, evening Pilates once a week, hot-stone massage once a fortnight, Feldenkrais once a month, lymphatic drainage once a quarter, barre on Saturday, boxercise on Sunday, five minutes of pelvic-floor exercises, five minutes of walking backwards the length of the hall. And that’s not taking into account monthly hair, nails and tweakments. I’ve probably forgotten something. Chanel has a spreadsheet to keep track of it all.

Does it seem excessive? Chanel has explained why it’s not. A man delivering hard facts to his colleagues derives all the authority he needs from a forceful suit. It’s different for a woman, no matter how commandingly dressed. Could a woman with lunch-lady arms, a menopausal waistline and a less-than-showroom-condition booty whip a board of management into line? Possibly, but Chanel doesn’t work for a German NGO. There are only two senior women at the Corporation, both white, bronde, streamlined, and one hundred per cent sugar- and child-free. They look durable all over like guns. Chanel is focused on a single goal: Chief Financial Officer. She wears Spanx Super Higher Power Shorts because her dream ends the day she can’t shoehorn herself into a size 10.