“They haven’t stuck me anywhere,” I said. I was shivering, and my body ached with the effort of holding still. “I chose to be here. I wanted to be here. I’m not stupid. I accepted this responsibility because Adam asked it of me.”

“Asked?” Malachi said.

Yes, I thought, then: no.

A wisp-gentle reversal: no.

I could not allow the lie to blossom, not even inside the privacy of my own mind. Adam did not ask us to do as he wished: He commanded, proclaimed, decreed. He administered punishment if we could not see his wisdom. He turned his back on those who did not agree. He had not asked me to lead this mission. He had told me that I would, and smiled when I accepted with pride. His command had aligned so perfectly with what I wanted—the only way I knew to clear my father’s name—that I had ignored my doubts, dismissed the protests from older and more experienced members of the family, let Adam’s certainty wash over all the concerns like a flash flood scouring a desert arroyo. That was how it had always been. That was how it had to be, because Adam was so much more than any of us. His knowledge and his wisdom would protect us, even if we did not understand how. That was the tenet that had held the family together through so much hardship. That was the truth that had made our star-reaching dreams possible. Whatever challenges the future offered, Adam would protect us.

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t known what danger we faced aboard House of Wisdom. He had told us time and again, at every stage of planning, in response to every doubt raised, every question asked, that he knew the Councils better than they knew themselves, and there was no secret they could hide from him. But they had hidden the truth of what Bhattacharya had witnessed. They had hidden the truth of how closely House of Wisdom was watched. They had hidden the truth of what the virus did to its victims.

I had been silent too long. Malachi sighed. “I don’t think you’re stupid, and I don’t think this is all your fault.”

My heart fluttered painfully. “But it is. I didn’t know SPEC was going to attack the shuttle. I should have. Boudicca and Nico and Bao would still be alive if only I had realized the danger.”

Malachi looked at me for a long moment, his eyes dark and tired. “Do you really think SPEC would do that?”

“But—you said it wasn’t the security net. Was it? Did you—”