Questions swirled in his brain until he shut them off. There was so much need here, so much need in himself, so much need in his father, his sister, his niece and nephew, this entire town was one huge ball of need. They needed hope and a future.

James’s soul cried for all the need in front of him. He was so broken he couldn’t even help them. It would take One far more powerful than he was—

“It’s just horrible. It’s been real horrible. Just so sad,” Mary said, drawing James’s attention.

For a long, silent moment, he tried to think of an appropriate response. He wanted to ask specifics about how horrible it had been—the economy, the fire, his dad’s loneliness and disappointment in his only son—but words wouldn’t form, and the tension billowed between them. He didn’t want bad blood between his sister and him, but he’d broken her trust in him. He’d have to fix this issue. Bitterness rose towards the God who’d led him to shepherd other flocks and left his own family bereft.

Mary let out a puff of breath. “You’ve got to put it all in perspective, look at the bigger picture. When you left, you confused a lot of people. Not just Dad. What you did with yourself, ministering His word, of course we’re all proud of that. I mean, it’s not like you ran off and joined the circus.”

“Not so sure about that, but go on.”

“But for some people, lots of people, you were the…I don’t know, hope, for us. The difference. They expected something bigger from you, I guess. Something to make us stick out in the world and say, ‘hey, here we are.’”

“I can’t believe everyone put so much stock in me.” And, he didn’t want to believe it. To believe that meant he had let down more than his father, more than God Who expected James to keep his vow—more than his sister standing here now so sweet and understanding, so strong and capable when he, the elder, was a weakened wreck.

“Well, they did. And don’t pretend you don’t know that. And it’s not something a short visit every couple of years makes any better. Could even make it worse, I suppose.” She searched his face as if waiting for an answer he had no ability to provide.

Disappointment dulled her eyes. “So now, here you are again, only this time you come back when everyone could really use a lift... a little reassurance that this terrible thing that’s happened to us has some bigger purpose. And you, of all people, given what you left here to do, might be the one to give us that faith. I suppose people are just confused and disappointed all over again.”

Frustration curled into his throat. He wasn’t everyone’s savior, had never signed on for such a mission. It wasn’t fair to pressure that kind of expectation on him. “And what makes you think I’m not just as confused and disappointed as everyone else?”