I laughed merrily at this, although I felt like kicking his noble backside for him. But I needed him, you see, so I had to toad-eat him.

“Not bad, not bad,” says I. “But this happens to be a lady. I’m sure she would be of interest to you.”

“Are you a pimp, by any chance? If so—”

“No, my lord, I’m not,” says I. “But I thought you might be diverted to hear of Mrs James—Mrs Elizabeth Rosanna James.”

He frowned, and blew ash off his ridiculous beard, which covered half his shirt-front.

“What of her, and what the devil has she to do with you?”

“Why, nothing, my lord,” says I. “But she happens to be taking the stage at Her Majesty’s next week, masquerading as a famous Spanish dancer. Donna Lola Montez, she calls herself, and pretends to be from Seville. An impudent imposture.”

He digested this, while I watched his nasty mind working.

“How d’ye know this?” says he.

“I’ve seen her at rehearsal.” says I, “and there’s no doubt about it—she’s Rosanna James.”

“And why should this be of interest to me?”

I shrugged at this, and he asked what my purpose was in telling him.

“Oh, I was sure you would wish to be at her first performance—to pay your respects to an old friend,” says I. “And if so, I would solicit a place for myself in your party. I entertain the same affection for her that I’m sure your lordship does.”

He considered me. “You’re a singularly unpleasant creature,” says he “Why don’t you expose her yourself, since that’s obviously what you want?”

“Your lordship I’m sure, has a style in these things. And you are well known while I….” I didn’t want to be the centre of any scandal, although I wanted to have a front seat to see the fun.

“I can do your dirty work, eh? Well, well.”

“You’ll go?”

“That is no concern of yours,” says he. “Good day.”

“May I come?”

“My dear sir, I cannot prevent you going where you choose. But I forbid you absolutely to address me in public.”

And he turned over on his side, away from me. But I was satisfied; no doubt he would go, and denounce “Donna Lola”. He had his own score to pay off, and was just the sort of mean hound who would do it, too.

*    *    *