‘‘Because you couldn’t have been more than fourteen when I started loving you, and wanting you. I was close to eight years older. I was a man when you were still a girl. It would have been wrong to touch you then. Maybe I waited too long.’’ He stopped, shook his head. ‘‘I did wait too long. But I’d had time to think it through and I’d promised myself I wouldn’t get you tangled up with me. You were the only one who I wanted enough that it mattered. Part of it was for me because I knew if I ever had you I wouldn’t want to let you go.’’

‘‘And you’d already decided that you would.’’

‘‘I’d decided that I was going to live my life pretty much alone. I was managing that well enough until recently.’’

‘‘You see it as a noble sacrifice. I see it as ignorance.’’ She lifted her hands, knowing she was heating up again. ‘‘I guess we’d better leave it at that.’’

‘‘You know damn well that if we were to get married you’d want more children.’’

‘‘Yes, I would. And while I’ll never agree with your reasoning for not making them together, there are other ways to make a family. You of all people should know. We could have adopted children.’’

He stared at her. ‘‘You . . . I figured you’d want to get pregnant.’’

‘‘You figured right. I would want it because I would treasure your child living inside me, and knowing you were there with us. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t find another way. What if I couldn’t have children, Ethan? What if we were in love and planning to be married, and we found out I couldn’t have babies? Would you stoploving me because of it? Would you tell me you couldn’t marry me?’’

‘‘No, of course not. That’s—’’

‘‘That’s not love,’’ she finished. ‘‘But it’s not a matter of can’t. It’s a matter of won’t. And I could have tried to understand your feelings if you hadn’t kept them from me. If you hadn’t turned me away when all I wanted was to help you. And I won’t compromise on everything. I won’t be with a man who doesn’t respect my feelings and who won’t share his problems with me. I won’t be with a man who doesn’t love me enough to stay. To make a promise to me to grow old with me and to be a father to my child. And I won’t spend my life having an affair with you and then having to explain to my daughter why you didn’t love and respect me enough to marry me.’’

She stepped toward the door.

‘‘Don’t.’’ He shut his eyes, fought down panic. ‘‘Don’t turn away from me, Grace.’’