“Tim, you know we don’t operate that way. I want you to go on medical leave for a while. The agents, and me especially, want him almost as badly as you do. We’ll take care of it.”

“That’s what I knew you’d say. But I’m not going on any medical leave. I’m going back on duty and you’ve got to put me on the case to get him.”

“I’m sorry, Tim. I know you’re hurting, but I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Does it matter?”

Vaill took another few sips of water. This time he held the plastic cup himself.

“Beth,” he said, “you know how close Maria and I were. We were getting ready to adopt a kid. The forms have all been filled out. I can show them to you. It could have happened any day. That fucker killed her. He killed the only woman I’ve ever loved. You’re the one who put us together with Burke on the Kazimi detail. Please. You owe it to me to let me find him.”

Snyder took a step back from the bed.

“I’m not sure,” she said.

“But you’re not saying no?”

“I’ll talk it over with your doctor, and give the situation some serious thought, okay?”

Vaill nodded.

“She was my world, Beth. She was everything to me and I watched her head get blown apart.”

“You stay strong, Tim,” Snyder said, squeezing his hand. “I’ll speak with Dr. Gunter, then I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Vaill dismissed her with a wave. Slowly, his eyes closed. He began to drift off wondering whether he had the strength to stand up, incapacitate his guard, and simply walk out of the hospital. If he had no other choice, it would happen.

Unable to sleep, he rolled onto his side and for a time, stared out the window. He was lost in a montage of lurid, bloody fantasies, when Dr. Gunter appeared at his bedside.

“Good news to share,” the neurosurgeon said, checking something in Vaill’s bedside chart.

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“I had a long conversation with your chief, Agent Snyder. She told us of the discussion she had with you—specifically your desire to return to work as soon as possible and resume your investigative duties. I sent for the head of my department, Dr. Weitz. We reviewed your remarkable progress so far, and ended up assuring Agent Snyder that, barring any unforeseen complications, there is no medical reason why you would not be able to continue in the capacity to which you are accustomed. You are in fact one of the luckiest gunshot survivors I have ever encountered.”

Tell that to my wife, Vaill thought savagely.

“Thanks, doc,” he said instead, turning back to the window.