I winced, sick with repulsion. Had I really been that pathetic? What would Min Ja think of me? Someone as self-assured as the queen of Songland could never have been so desperate for a mother’s attention.

Min Ja stirred, falling partially out of the trance as my focus wavered. “Tarisai?” she asked, words slurred by the kuso-kuso. “Are we still in your childhood?”

“Yes,” I mumbled, and scrambled for control of my mind’s helm. Like a master sailor, I nudged our ship slightly off course, veering around entire months of my childhood. When I relinquished control, the four Tarisais had arrived at the Children’s Palace. There—jagged rocks avoided. No harm done.

But as soon as I relaxed, another impossible memory arose: the first time I had met Dayo.

My eleven-year-old self had transformed into a demon, red rage blinding her vision. I had wanted to hurt him. To end him. I had taken one look at his kind, dark face and breathed Kill—kill—kill . . .

No, I hadn’t.

I hadn’t done any of that.

I seized the helm again, only this time I was not veering around rocks. I was charting a fresh, new course, skimming over the water with a healer’s scalpel, beating the waves into smooth, sparkling glass.

Now, when my eleven-year-old self met Dayo, her mind was undivided. She was pure and simple-hearted, brimming with innocent love. This girl had no loyalty to her murderess of a mother. She did not wonder, even once, if The Lady was right, and that boy might deserve to die. Instead, she vowed to free herself from The Lady’s curse, and to protect Aritsar’s prince for as long as it took.

Sweat beaded on my forehead with effort. When at last the brazier cooled, my shoulders sagged with exhaustion. The smoke in the tent had thinned as the kuso-kuso fumes wore off, and when the others roused and smiled at me dazedly, I smiled back, burying the guilt that weighed in my stomach.

I hadn’t lied. Not really. I had fallen in love with Dayo at the Children’s Palace, and eventually decided against The Lady’s wishes. So what if it hadn’t happened right away? I had still shown Min Ja my true self. My truest self.

The queen blinked and cocked her head. “Well?” she asked. “Do I love you yet?”

“You tell me,” I said, smiling nervously.

Ai Ling suggested that we try the Ray, and when the queen shrugged her consent, I summoned on the heat in my chest, concentrating on Min Ja. She stiffened. Gasped . . .

And doubled over on the tent floor, retching, fists pressed to her temples.

“It hurts,” she rasped. “Make it stop. Am’s Story, make it stop.”

I severed the beam immediately, biting my fingernails in horror. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I should have warned you; it hurts when you’re not ready. I didn’t mean to . . .”

Da Seo was cradling the queen in her lap, whispering into her hair and staring at me with wary confusion. “I think we’re done for today, Lady Empress.”