Maggie, on the other hand, did not. She got up from her bed in the corner of the bedroom and happily trotted downstairs with me, pressed into my leg as I made coffee then settled at my feet when I sat outside.

Rowan came out eventually, as he always did, holding the coffee I’d prepared for him and left on the kitchen counter.

Most times, we didn’t speak. He just lifted me from my spot on the oversized wicker armchair and sat himself down, me half splayed in his lap. I didn’t know how this could be comfortable since I wasn’t exactly small, but he seemed to like it well enough.

“Want you to come to my family’s place for Christmas,” he murmured, breaking the usual silence that existed between us.

Thanksgiving had passed. It wasn’t much of a celebration, but it was something. We had dinner at my place, Rowan gently suggesting we host Fiona, Tiffany, Tina and Kip.

I hadn’t wanted to at first. I’d wanted the day to pass like any other. Wanted to curl up on the sofa with the lights out and a bowl of cookie dough. But even though a part of me wanted to do that, I wasn’t a wallower. That’s not how I worked. Rowan knew that.

Rowan knew I healed in the kitchen, with busy hands, with flour, sugar, butter. With friends who were really family surrounding me.

And he was right. Though it was a hard day, it was one that was filled with food, friends and love.

Rowan hadn’t mentioned his family or if they missed him on Thanksgiving. I hadn’t asked about them because I wasn’t strong enough to. But I knew they likely missed him. Because they sounded like the kind of people who had big family gatherings. And Rowan missed it.

For me.

“We don’t have to go,” Rowan stated in response to my silence, holding me tighter. “I want you to meet my family, want them to meet you, but if it’s too hard…”

Here he was, giving me an out, to protect me because he did that as easy as breathing these days.

Oh, how tempting it would be to take him up on that offer. To stay where I was safe.

But I couldn’t do that to him. To us. And I wanted more of Rowan. I wanted to see where he came from.

“No, let’s go,” I whispered.

He regarded me for a moment. “You sure?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

We didn’t say anything else, just stared at the waves, and I wished, selfishly, that this moment would last forever. That I could live in Rowan’s arms, with Maggie at our feet.

But life didn’t work that way.

“Why did you do it?” I asked the waves. “Run Nathan out of town.” It was a question that had been rolling around in my brain since it happened. One that had been firmly pushed back due to everything I was going through. But I found myself desperate to focus on something else rather than my pain.