Rowan didn’t move. He stared at my mother for a few more beats before he turned his full attention to me. His face was creased with worry. “Nora,” he murmured.

“I’m fine,” I reassured him. “I promise I won’t throw her off or anything.” I nodded to the balcony. “I wouldn’t do well in prison.”

Rowan didn’t smile. He just looked at me for another long moment before nodding tersely. “I’ll be right inside,” he said loudly, both to me and my mother before he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

The loss of him was something I felt physically. My limbs went weak. It was hard to keep myself upright. But that also might’ve been due to all the booze I’d consumed and the canapes I’d ignored.

When my mother walked to stand beside me, I moved to create more of a buffer between us.

Still, I smelled her perfume, her hairspray, my stomach turning.

I held on to the railing with one hand, my glass with the other, staring out at the lake once more, determined not to speak, not to make the first move. My mother was the master at manipulation and gaslighting. When I’d been younger, I’d been more susceptible. But now I was somewhat wiser and had given up my desperate need for her love and approval.

She cleared her throat yet didn’t speak.

I waited.

“I would’ve killed him,” Mom stated finally. “The man who…”

“Molested Ansel?” I spoke for her when it became clear she was too weak to say the words. The truth was far too ugly for her lipsticked mouth to utter.

My mother nodded, clutching her crystal glass.

“I wanted to kill him, when I found out,” she whispered. “Seeing him screaming, bleeding was good. But it wasn’t enough. I was so close to shooting him in the head. Ending his life. But I knew that I couldn’t get away with murder. Couldn’t leave you both. After…”

Her voice broke, and I wished I could say it did nothing to me, but unlike my mother, I wasn’t versed at turning my emotions off when my family was in pain.

And she was in pain. It was the first time I’d heard emotion, vulnerability in her voice. I didn’t like it.

“I loved him.” She looked out at the skyline. “I know you don’t think that’s true. But I love both of you.”

The only reason I didn’t roll my eyes was because I was too tired. Bone tired.

“As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I made a promise to myself,” she continued. “That I wouldn’t let you grow up like I did. I’d find a way to give you opportunities.”

I sipped my drink because the alternative was to hurl it at her head. Was she really trying to twist our entire shitty childhood and her neglect into her working hard to give us more?

Give me a fucking break.

“I don’t expect you to believe me,” she sniffled.