Then she hooked her arm through Lucy’s and they sped off, shooting ahead to join the rest of our party.

“Are they trying to fly?” Asa asked.

I managed a smile. “Do you really have to leave?” I asked. “Isn’t it dangerous with all the ice still in the harbor?”

“Yes to both.”

“But why now, Asa? Couldn’t you stay longer?” None of this was what I’d practiced saying.

His eyes brightened for a moment, then clouded over. “When do you wish me to leave? The day before Lieutenant Duncan returns?”

The words stung.

“I’m sorry, Frannie. This is—”

“No, don’t be sorry.” I was being selfish and unfair. I wanted him to stay longer purely for me. “Where will you go?” I asked, changing the subject.

“South. To Martinique.”

“To clear waters and white sands.”

“To naval battles and boarding actions, more like. But there will be water and sand.”

I shut my eyes, imagining the sunny stretch where I’d learned to swim. Where Mercy and I had turned cartwheels and sprinted through shallow waves. “I wish I could see my beach just once more.”

“I could send it to you.” He smiled. “Next time I’m past there, I could collect some sand for you.”

“Asa—will you really?”

“Of course. How much would you like? A few grains? The entire beach?”

“Just enough for me stand on with both feet.”

“Done. You shall have your sand, Miss Tasker.”

Up ahead, Charlotte and Lucy were disappearing behind a gentle slope step by step. On the other side was the Winterses’ house. I stopped. “We’re almost back. Aren’t you going to ask me to leave with you?” I said.

Asa turned to me. “No. I’m not. But I do think I’m going to regret not asking you for a very long time.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have accepted.”

“I know.”

“Because this is my life now. I have a good life here. A life with friends and books and theater.” He said nothing. I couldn’t catch my breath, but I had to press on. He was the only person I could be honest with, who could truly know me, and I couldn’t let this be like the last time we’d parted. This time, I wanted everything to be said. “I have Duncan,” I continued, my voice quavering. “I’ll marry him one day. When he asks me. And, till the war ends, I have—” Last chance. Last chance to say it. “I have spying.”

My words hung in the air. Bare and awful. But I’d said them. There were no lies between us anymore. Only truth.

Asa nodded. “I understand,” he said evenly.

“You understand?” How could he look composed when I felt like I was crumbling into pieces? “You’re not supposed to understand.”

“Frannie, you chose Duncan years ago when you decided to be Miss Coates. I cannot give you the life he can. And if you’re putting your wit and bravery in service of a cause I believe in as well, what can I do but thank you and pray that you stay safe?”