The nettles gave him an idea. To fight fire, you need fire. It was what his father’s guards had always drilled into him ever since he’d picked up a kitchen knife and thrown it at a rat that was trying to raid the larders. The animal was skewered and a humble kitchen instrument revealed its darker side. Anything could be a weapon. The real talent came in using your brain to create opportunity out of despair.

Petronio gritted his teeth as he grabbed a clump of nettles in his fist and silently pulled them out. The roots had dug deep into rotten bark, but were no match for him. Ignoring the swelling in his fingers, Petronio began to double back. He needed to get behind the soldier, who had made his first elementary mistake. Stamping about and making a lot of noise meant that you couldn’t hear what was going on around you.

Petronio took advantage, his bulk moving with considerable ease as he gently probed his way through the ferns until he was almost directly behind the soldier. He thought of different methods his education had afforded him: the kick into the small of the back and, as the enemy falls, the jump onto the neck followed by an easy snap; or the surprise throttle, strangulation from behind. Time to try out his improvised weapon.

“Show yourself, you sniveling excuse for a spy!” The man pointed his weapon into the jungle and several branches were splintered into jagged scars.

“Whatever you say!” shouted Petronio, leaping up and around as he smeared nettle leaves all over the soldier’s face, rubbing them into his eyes and cheeks and nose, hard.

The effect was instant, and perfect. The soldier fell to his knees, scrabbling at his face as he screamed out in agony. Nothing like a natural weapon to save the day!

Petronio wondered about kicking the soldier over the edge. No. The man’s head would balloon up to twice its normal size for a couple of days, but he’d live. And so would Petronio. It was time to get the holly out of here.

Petronio felt the buzz. Nothing beat a good fight and the adrenaline kick still surged its way pleasurably around his body. Ten minutes ago, he’d nearly been killed, and now? He’d never felt more alive. He strolled away through the jungle, rubbing his swollen hands. As he replayed the action in slow motion in his mind, he heard a sudden, familiar swoosh. His gut felt as if it was splintering into thousands of pieces.