Moist wanted to applaud, but the show – if that’s what it was – kept on going.

And now, with the strange red snake glistening on his arm, the commander crooned oh so carefully that a grandmother’s tea party would appear to be a smash-and-grab raid in comparison. And it finished with a sigh, as the commander said with magnificently sincere anguish, ‘Of course, if it was up to me … but you see I have to deal with Lord Vetinari and the Low King. I could put in a good word for you, my lad, telling them how helpful you’ve been … Yes, I think I’ll do just that, and I thank you for helping me and I can assure you …’ and here the glowing snake moved as the commander did, ‘I can assure you, young man, that no matter what happens to you, nothing will happen to your family. But I don’t think I’ll be able to persuade people of your innocence if you’re caught like this at any future time or, indeed, if you turn out to be lying to me. And now, if you don’t mind, I need to talk to your colleague again.’

Moist loved that ‘If you don’t mind’. As if the fool had a choice. And dark clerks whisked the young dwarf away and came back with the older dwarf, when the careful, methodical interrogation continued, but in a louder voice, considering that this dwarf was much older. The words that Vimes used had more menace in them now; but nevertheless he half suggested that everything would get better if the dwarf in front of him told the commander absolutely everything he knew about the grags and delvers and his fellow conspirators who had been duped into being the ones who got caught and thrown to the Low King’s justice.

‘You, sir, you’ll be sent for trial before the Low King, but, as I said, I’ll put in a good word for you. At the next station I’ll send a clacks, if your one-time friends haven’t burned down the tower.’ And that made him flinch. Moist had to try hard not to applaud.

‘Fred,’ said the commander, ‘please ask them to bring in this gentleman’s accomplice, so that they can enjoy each other’s company for the rest of their journey,’ and when both dwarfs were in the mail coach under the watchful eye of the dark clerks, Vimes continued.

‘Okay,’ he said, in the same cheerful tone, ‘I’m sorry about the manacles, but we can’t have you running away now, can we? And the pair of you must remember – especially you, sir, at your age – it could have been so much worse. I’m afraid to say that it might still turn out that way anyway, but as I said, I’ll put in a good word. You’ll be looked after until I can arrange for you to be taken off under guard, and if anything jogs your memory don’t hesitate to tell them, and I’ll see what I can do. But I’m sure you’ll agree that it’ll be for the safety of all parties, especially your own, if in the meantime you are held in this sealed room where nobody can hurt you. I’ll see to it myself that you have regular meals and refreshments.’