“After that we started doing it pretty regularly. He never asked, just pulled over in the car and led me to the backseat. He held my hand and opened the door for me and talked nice and didn’t hurt me. It was always real quick, which made it kind of like nothing. Sometimes he said thank you. It’s not like it was . . . I mean . . . I wasn’t feeling much those days.”

Moisture collected in the corners of her eyes. “I guess I thought he cared about me because sometimes he asked if I felt okay, was it good, could he do anything to make it better.”

She fingered her beads. “I lied and said it was great. A few months after we started I was late for my period. When I told him is when he started acting weird.”

Two hands filled with fabric, gathered her skirt above her knees. She smoothed it down quickly. Patted her eyes with her fingers.

“Weird, how?” I said.

“Like part of him was happy but part was freaking out.”

“Happy about . . .”

“Getting me pregnant. Like he was . . . he never said ‘Great, you’re pregnant,’ but there was something . . . the way he looked at me. Like he was . . . Dr. Gwynn?”

“Proud of himself?” said Allison.

“Yeah, proud of himself. Like look what I did.”

“But there was also the angry part.”

“Exactly, Dr. Gee. Like look what you did, stupid. He called it ‘the problem.’ It’s your problem, Beth, but I’m going to help you fix it. I said maybe I’m just late, that happened before.” Her eyes shifted to the floor. “What I didn’t tell him was that I was pregnant before, years ago, but I lost the baby— it wasn’t really a baby, just a little glob of blood, I saw it in the toilet. This was in Portland, the people I was hanging with took me to a free clinic. I got scraped out and it hurt like cramps. I didn’t want to do that again unless I was sure. He wouldn’t listen.”

Allison said, “He demanded that you fix your problem.”

“He said we can’t afford to wait, Bethy. That’s what he called me, Bethy, I hated it but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

She turned toward Allison. “Dumb, huh?”

“Not at all, Beth. He manipulated you into thinking he was kind.”