I drink some more sherry. I can see Daniel’s face, smell his gorgeous aftershave. I can’t live without him, I know that much. I want to be wherever he is.

I put my hand inside the cupboard below the kitchen sink, lift up the loose floorboards and take out Vinny’s gun. It takes me a few minutes to work out how to load the bullets. I have never used a gun before.

My hand shakes as I position the gun at my temple. How can I not leave the kids a note? And Viv? I must write those first, I decide.

The front door bursts open and I hide the gun under a tea towel.

‘Mum, whatever’s wrong? You put the phone down on me.’

I tearfully explain about the phone call from Ireland. ‘I can’t come to the club, Vinny. I can’t face it. Mary’s sons were wonderful men. Why is life so unfair?’

‘Fucking hell, Mum. That’s awful. Who shot ’em?’

‘It’s a long story. I can’t talk about it right now. You go back to the club, boy.’

‘No. Not without you. I’ll call Roy, explain what’s happened. He’ll have to hold the fort.’

‘But it’s your big night. You have to be there. You’ve worked so hard for this.’

‘Mum, you’re my world and if you ain’t there, it’s pointless anyway. Most of my speech is about you. I know I said some shitty things recently, but this is the truth. I love you so fucking much. Everything I do, everything I achieve, it’s all for you. I wanna pay you back for being the best mum ever. You’re the strongest, finest woman I know. So tonight, I’ll stay ’ere with you.’

I lock eyes with Vinny and I know in that split second that, if I were to kill myself, it would be the end of him too. The others would survive, but not my Vinny. He needs me too much, has always been a mummy’s boy.

I down the rest of my sherry and repair my tear-stained mascara. I put my fur coat on and touch up my lipstick.

‘You coming to the club?’ Vinny asks, surprised.

I force a smile. That same smile I’ve had to force for most of my sad, sorry life. I’m used to wearing a mask, putting on an act. I can’t let my boy down.

When Vinny nips upstairs to use the toilet, I quickly put the gun back in its hidey-hole.

Vinny smiles when he sees me. ‘You look stunning tonight. Truly beautiful, Mum.’

I close the front door and link arms with my eldest. Daniel might be dead, but I’ll always have a part of him. In Vinny we created something special. Something very special indeed.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

As always, a big thanks to the fabulous team at HarperCollins for all your dedication and hard graft.

A special mention to my brilliant editor, Kimberley Young. My agent, Tim Bates, and my publicist, Felicity Denham. Also Sarah Shea, Charlotte Brabbin, Charlie Redmayne and Laura Meyer. Each and every one of you is a joy to work with.