Michael looked at his mum and aunt in horror. Why were they talking to Kevin as though he were a retard?

Creasing up laughing, Vinny nudged Roy. His mum and aunt were so old-fashioned. It was obvious they were talking in ridiculous tones in the hope Kevin would understand them.

‘Would you like a cup of tea, Kevin? Do you like tea?’ Queenie asked dumbly.

‘Course he likes tea. Why wouldn’t he like tea?’ Michael spat.

Thankfully, Kevin saw the funny side. Growing up in London as a mixed-race lad hadn’t been easy for him, but he’d learned taking it all in his stride was the best way to deal with life. ‘Hello, Mama. Hello Auntie. I am honoured to be invited ’ere today inside your beautiful home,’ Kevin said in a thick Jamaican drawl. Even though he’d never met his dad, Kevin knew other Jamaicans and had easily picked up the lingo. ‘My people don’t drink tea. It brings us out in spots. Big white spots.’

By this point, Vinny and Roy were bent double. Their mum and aunt’s expressions were priceless.

Kevin winked at the two astonished women. ‘I’m only winding you up, ladies. I’d love a cup of Rosy, please.’

Queenie and Viv blushed. Both felt stupid. Even Michael and Kevin were rolling about laughing now. ‘You had us going there, Kevin, and we had you going,’ Queenie guffawed, desperate to dig herself out of a hole.

‘Yeah, righto, Mum,’ Vinny chuckled.

‘Believe that and you’ll believe anything, Kev,’ Roy added.

‘I did warn you what they’d be like,’ said Michael.

Thinking what a lovely boy he was, Queenie and Viv both gave Kevin a welcoming hug. Neither had ever had a black person in their homes before. Times were changing faster than they knew.

‘He won’t put that bleedin’ monkey down. Sleeps with it and it has to be with him every moment of the day. Stinks, it does,’ Vivian informed her sister. Zippy the Monkey was Lenny’s favourite toy. They’d mislaid it once and he’d screamed the bloody house down all afternoon.

‘Albie’s a bleedin’ liar,’ Queenie whispered. ‘He told me Aunt Liz was at death’s door. She ain’t stopped eating, drinking, smoking and talking. The greedy old cow ate all those whelks to herself. No other bastard got a look in.’

All of a sudden there was a commotion. Aunt Liz seemed to be choking. Her face reddened as she struggled to breathe. ‘Do something then, Albie,’ Queenie bellowed. Albie was currently singing ‘You’ll Never Know’.

Bert leapt up and began slapping Auntie Liz on the back. Seconds later a jellied eel catapulted out of her gob and hit Albie straight in the face.

Queenie and Viv held on to one another for support. They couldn’t stop laughing.

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. Aunt Liz, Bert and Ivy were the first to leave. Then Pete and Paul.

‘Me and Kev are going out now, Mum,’ Michael shouted.

‘Thanks for inviting me round, Mrs B. I’ve had a lovely day. All the food was ace. I won’t be needing no supper.’