“You are dismissed,” Adrian told them, and my eyes narrowed, my face hot with frustration. The two bowed again, but I glared at Adrian.

“Are you going to dismiss my question as well?” I asked.

“I was only giving Sable and Lucia instruction,” Adrian said. “They will be riding ahead to observe Lara. They will report back in the morning.”

I did not think he was lying, but I did not like his coldness.

“Is this how you will treat me moving forward?” I asked.

Adrian’s hard eyes found mine. It was the first time he had looked at me with more than a passing glance since last night.

“How am I treating you?” he asked.

“Like you blame me for what is happening to you,” I said. My breathing was labored as I spoke because I knew these words would hurt, and they took every bit of my power to say. “Perhaps it is not Dis who is angry with me; perhaps it is you.”

Adrian’s eyes widened. “I am not angry with you,” he said, though he sounded so now.

“What you are doing…” I said, staring up at him. “Shutting down, dismissing me, that is what Dis wants. She wants to drive a wedge between us like everyone else. Are you going to let her do that?”

“This has nothing to do with her,” Adrian said. “I hurt you.”

“I do not need a reminder,” I said. Just hearing it made me feel sick. “But who are you going to be when you are not under her control?”

Adrian’s jaw popped as he gritted his teeth.

“I will not pretend you did not scare me. I will not pretend that I am not devastated by what happened, but if you pull away now, then I will pull away too, and we will be doomed.”

Adrian took a step closer and lifted his hand slowly, brushing his fingers along my cheek. It was a brief touch, and then he withdrew it.

“Kill me,” he said.

My brows lowered. “What?”

“If she takes me again, if I hurt you again,” he said, “kill me.”

I started to shake my head. “You do not know what you are asking of me.”

“I do,” he said quickly. “Do not let me live with the guilt of having murdered you.”

“So you would rather I live with it?” I asked. The words slipped angrily between my teeth. He said nothing, but I already knew his answer.

***

Camp was bustling with activity. Many of the tents had been packed away and the fires were nothing but smoking embers. I stood near Reverie, waiting for departure, but also using her as a shield as I studied Ana’s small spell book. I still felt drawn to read it despite my mother’s words about it being unnecessary to call upon magic with spells and shapes. In truth, I would likely need both tools until I became more confident.