I winced, recalling it. “Painful,” I said. “It was…horrible.”

“I understand why you would feel dread around shifting, and I cannot promise it won’t feel like that again, but until you come to accept who you are now, what you have become, no amount of training will help you.” I was surprised when he took my hand. “You are an aufhocker, Isolde, and monster or not, you have the potential to save far more of us in that form. So what do you want?”

Emotionally spent, Sorin and I ended training for the day, and I left with his words heavy on my mind. Of all Sorin’s abilities, shifting seemed to give him an element of escape as the trauma of his change into a vampire far outweighed how he’d discovered he could turn into a falcon.

Still, his words filled my veins with an eagerness to truly know the monster I had become. I wandered into the library and found Lothian at the desk.

“My queen,” he said and bowed. “Can I help?”

“I need information on aufhockers,” I said.

“Of course,” he said and came around the desk. “Is there…reason to believe there will be another attack?”

“I think there is always reason to expect another attack,” I said, though I could not ignore the guilt twisting my stomach at his question. It was just another reason I needed to learn my potential when shifting.

“The thing that unnerves me about them,” he said as we ventured into the stacks, “is that they take on various forms.”

“What do you mean?”

“The shape they took to attack Cel Ceredi was just one iteration. They’ve been known to present as spirits, ailing elders—anything, really, to lure their prey.”

I swallowed hard. Did that mean I too possessed that ability?

“I never knew,” I said.

“Many do not,” he said. “I think their forms have been given other names.”

“What is their true form?”

“That is ambiguous,” he said, and he stopped, choosing a book from the shelf. He checked the index and then handed it to me. “If I had to guess, I would say their original form was spirit, given that I think they can transform into just about anything.”

I took the book, hugging it to my chest.

“Thank you, Lothian.”

“Of course, my queen. If you need anything, let me know.”

I watched him meander away, down the aisle and out of sight, before I sat on the floor amid the stacks and began reading. The book contained information on many monsters, and the chapter on aufhockers was short but it detailed Lothian’s belief that their true form was spirit, which I had assumed was just energy, but according to what was written here, there was a difference.