It should make me happy that at least one person in the world thought of me as something more than a sack of DNA, but my feelings were more complicated than happy or not happy.

I liked being treated like a person, but when Tair was nice to me, those lovey futures started looking a lot more solid.

A sudden realization made me back away from him.

This wasn’t seeing that we could fall in love or that we might someday.

It was actually starting to happen.

Not seriously, but the seeds were there on my side. His compassion. His drive to help me and the other Reds. How could I not be drawn to that?

My chest fluttered like a traitor.

I really, really, really strongly did not want love with him or anyone else. It would only end in heartbreak. That was how my life had always worked, and it wasn’t going to change this late in the game.

It would be nice if it could, but I’d lived in my own reality long enough to know the truth. Happiness was only ever temporary.

I had to keep my feelings from sprouting. If I kept Tair at a distance, they wouldn’t go any farther, and then I wouldn’t have to live through the heart-wrenching scenes playing out at the edges of my vision.

Being concerned about him. Thinking he was gorgeous… Those didn’t necessarily add up to love.

Ideally, I’d cut him off now. I could sell him out or piss him off enough that he didn’t want anything to do with me. Maybe I hadn’t landed the meaty secret yet, but based on the snippets I’d seen so far, a few digs at his parents would be plenty to get Tair boiling.

Too bad the leak was more important than either of us.

I didn’t have the luxury of pushing him away, even if my heart was begging me to run, warning me how badly this could end.

“Too much, Tair.” I exhaled as I turned away from him. “I know way too much about you.”

Until we found out who was digging up Reds, I needed him, and whatever was between us was only going to grow while we were stuck together. All I could do was pray I’d be strong enough to do what needed to be done later.

<<<>>>

Following the plan should’ve been harder, but as I drew a mural of elvish Tair on my bedroom wall, conjuring a smile was cake. Stopping the smile?

That was harder.

After a few last strokes of charcoal to finish off his long elf hair, I stepped back to admire my work. I didn’t usually do portraits, but this was probably my best one ever, thanks to the subject. He was pretty, but no one had forced me to memorize his face down to the length of his eyelashes.