She turns round – and steps on the tip of my tail. OK, she probably didn’t mean anything by it, and it didn’t hurt all that much, since she didn’t really get too much of my tail. But I probably won’t get this opportunity again any time soon, so I howl pitifully and take a swift but firm nip at her. Quick as a flash. Grrr. Fabulous!

Aurora lets out a sharp cry and jumps up. ‘Ouch! Damn it – are you crazy?’

She stares at me, and I try to look as innocent as I can, and howl a little more just to drive the point home. Aurora is rubbing her calf – you can see my tooth marks pretty clearly.

Daniel looks unmoved. ‘Well, I guess you must have come down hard on poor Hercules’s tail. He’s usually so sweet.’

Aurora gasps. She seems to want to say something mean, but decides against it.

‘Really sweet, for sure. Say hi to Caroline for me – see you soon.’

She sweeps out of the room. Daniel looks at me, then he bends down and pats my head.

‘Well done, fatso.’

•

‘How do I look, Hercules?’ Caroline has a knee-length flowery dress on, and she’s turning back and forth in front of me. Very pretty, I have to say. Besides, I’m happy that she’s choosing a flower pattern for her evening of cooking with Daniel. If I understood Mr Beck correctly, that’s definitely a woman’s pattern. I deduce that Caroline absolutely wants to look like a woman. That’s a good sign! I sit down in front of her and wag my tail.

‘Oh, so you like it? That’s nice – then I’ll keep it on. And should I wear my hair down or put it up?’

With a skilful sweep of her hand, she gathers up her long hair and holds it on her head in a bun. I give a short growl. Down is much prettier – you see the hair much better, and no dog would ever get the idea of hiding his beautiful fur, most certainly not if it has a silky shine like Caroline’s. A member of the wirehaired dachshund family like me can only envy her. In this regard, Caroline is a real Irish setter, or more like a golden retriever. She lets her hair fall back down.

‘I get it, down. Well, that may look better, but it’s a little impractical for cooking.’

I cock my head. No – down is much prettier!

‘OK, how about a compromise? While I cook, I’ll put my hair up, then I’ll let it loose again. Exactly. Good idea. Thanks, Hercules!’

You’re welcome – glad to oblige. I’m happy when I can help out.