‘There! I see one! Back there!’

I run excitedly in the direction in which I just saw a pair of human legs under an umbrella. After going a short way, I notice that Beck obviously has no intention of following me. I stand still and turn round to face him.

‘Hey, what’s going on? What are you doing back there?’

‘Hercules, you crazy dachshund! That is clearly a woman!’

‘How can you tell? Only the legs are showing. And in the rain I can’t smell whether it’s a man or a woman, so we have to go and have a look. Come on, at least make some effort!’

That cat is really awful today. He doesn’t act the least bit guilty; all he does is grin from ear to ear.

‘You have a lot to learn, my dear. There is a woman under that umbrella – guaranteed. I don’t have to sprint halfway across the park to find that out.’

‘Oh, and how did you come to know that? For someone who can’t tell a plastic toy from a real bird, you’re certainly showing off!’

Beck completely ignores my potshot, and instead motions with his paw in the direction of the person in question.

‘Take a good look. The umbrella has a really eye-catching flower pattern.’

Well, that’s true; there are big and little flowers forming stylish circles all over it.

‘So, here’s another page out of the Understanding Humans textbook: flowers are a woman’s pattern. No need to follow that one. I have yet to meet a man who would be willing to be seen with a flowery umbrella. So let’s save our energy for when we need it.’

Interesting concept, patterns for women and patterns for men. I wonder what that’s good for. Can’t women and men recognize each other on the spot? I guess that since their noses are pretty worthless, they have to resort to other means of identifying themselves.

We spend another uneventful ten minutes hanging around the park. It’s quite big, but fairly round, so you can get a very good overview from the middle. We see nothing at all. Not a single person is out and about. I’m starting to get soaked despite my thick coat. Maybe Mr Beck is right and we should head home. Just as I’m about to admit defeat to Beck, an intrepid two-legged creature comes into view. And this time it is definitely a man. He doesn’t have an umbrella in his hand, and he’s going along at a pretty relaxed jog from the far end of the park right in our direction.

‘Hey, is he heading straight for us?’ I ask in surprise.

‘Seems so. He probably wants to take a short cut. It’s no fun running around in this weather,’ Beck points out. ‘Well, he’ll be here any second. You said you want to improvise. Now’s your big chance. I have no plan whatsoever for how we’re going to get a closer look at that guy. We don’t want to pick up just any old bloke for Caroline, do we?’