‘Believe me, Mr Beck, there’s something going on there! You didn’t see the two of them – Daniel actually did kiss her. That has to mean something.’

‘Yes, that means that Daniel is in love with Caroline, which doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s also in love with him, otherwise she would have kissed him, not the other way around.’

I’m starting to get really annoyed with Beck. ‘That’s just splitting hairs – what difference does it make whether he kisses her or she kisses him? It all comes down to the same thing – they kissed each other.’

‘I can see you haven’t got a clue. There is a HUGE difference. Let me tell you: Daniel is rather pathetic. He’s been drooling over Caroline from a distance for absolutely ages, but when push comes to shove, even Nina gets in his way.’

‘That was really bad luck. He couldn’t do anything about that. And that’s why we have to help him – he just needs another chance, an opportunity to be alone with Caroline.’

‘Oh man, Hercules, get it through your thick skull. A guy who has to rely on a fat cat and a short-legged mongrel to get the point across to a woman is a hopeless case. A loser. A big zero. I told you that right at the start.’

I feel rage rising up within me. My voice sounds really hoarse when I snap at Beck, ‘You take that back right now! Right now! Or else our friendship is over.’

‘Jeez, all right, sorry. Excuse me for calling you a mongrel.’

‘That’s not what I mean.’

‘All right, excuse me for saying short-legged. Happy?’

‘I mean the loser part. Daniel is not a hopeless case. He is a very nice man, and he happens to mean something to me. He’s my friend.’

Mr Beck rolls his eyes. ‘You dogs and all your “my friend the human” nonsense! Let me put it to you straight: a dog is not man’s best friend, and the same goes the other way round. Daniel is a man, and man’s best friend is man. And just because some humans don’t find other humans to be friends with doesn’t mean that they can be friends with an animal. Whenever a human talks to you and tells you all kinds of personal stuff, he doesn’t mean you, but himself. He’s talking to himself, get it? But in order not to feel too nutty and lonely, he talks to you. When this happens, you’re basically something like that little plastic friend belonging to that dumb parakeet. A substitute. So stop whining that I shouldn’t talk that way about your friend Daniel – that’s completely ridiculous.’