I wave to Mrs. Bradley, our school secretary, her iconic red lips grinning as she waves back to me. Her daughter, Callie, leans on the counter with her boyfriend’s arm draped over her shoulder. Callie’s boyfriend, Mitch, is a total bear—burly and a little rough around the edges. Definitely my straight doppelgänger sans red hair. The two are the ultimate odd couple and I’ve got to be honest: I was sort of shocked to see them pair up. Mitch always seemed like the kind of guy who girls wouldn’t appreciate until after they’d lived through some awful college boyfriends first. But seeing the two of them together gets me a little soft in the feelings. Somebody wants a fat guy, and even if Callie isn’t my flavor, that’s just generally good news for fat guys.

I let out a heavy sigh.

“You hear that, man?” says Patrick Thomas as he elbows one of his sophomore lackeys. “Waylon is swooning for you.”

“Oh, no, Patrick,” I say, my voice as high-pitched as it will go as I skate right past them both. “That was my deep sigh of regret as I realized the only legacy our senior class is leaving this school will be you. Repeating senior year over and over again. Like a ghost, but without all the hot ethereal vibes.”

He and his friends stare back at me, dumbfounded.

“Ta-ta, boys.”

“I don’t even know if I have to retake any classes yet,” I hear Patrick say.

Life after senior year might be one giant question mark, but at least it will never include seeing Patrick Thomas on the daily. Patrick has spent the last twelve years of his life circling every weirdo on campus, but especially the fat kids. He’s constantly poking and prodding at them. I’d like to think there’s some reason why he hates fat people so much. Maybe he lives in fear of being fat himself or maybe an older brother at home terrorizes him. But the truth is: I don’t care. Bad shit happens to plenty of people who still manage to treat others like human beings, so Patrick gets no breaks from me.

I take the stairs at the end of the hall to Mr. Higgins’s classroom and I settle into the only remaining seat on the front row next to Alex Wu and in front of Tucker Watson. Great. Stupendous, even.

If sandwiches were made of humans, this would be a highly uncomfortable human sandwich.

Alex Wu is one half of the only openly gay male/male couple at CCHS. He’s into gaming and skateboarding and he’s so thin that skinny jeans are loose on him.

As I sit down, he looks over his shoulder and gives me a nod.