Day after day, Jared continued to wait at the doorway of any place necessary for me to enter. By the end of the week I would feel a sick feeling in my stomach anytime I was coming or going. Sometimes he watched me walk past, sometimes he kept his eyes to the ground, but he was always there.

The second week was more difficult than the first. Jared still waited for me in random places on campus, and my friends began to ask questions. Ryan guessed there was trouble and proceeded to grill me about the details. I was glad that he noticed it was too painful to discuss, and let me suffer in silence.

Jared’s eyes darkened from midnight blue to black each time he saw Ryan walking happily beside me. It was unfair to let his worst fear play out in front of him, and I regretted not explaining to him the night I ended things that he would never have to suffer through that. I couldn’t be with someone else knowing that I could never truly love them the way I should, least of all Ryan. He deserved someone’s whole heart, and I had left mine with Jared.

Ryan knocked on my door every day, several times a day to visit or walk me to class, and I welcomed the company. It was easier to function when I was around him; he became my main distraction from all things Jared. Any obligation I felt for him had disappeared. As more time passed, I realized it wasn’t just him; I didn’t feel anything around anyone. I concentrated so hard on keeping Jared from sensing my grief that I felt numb most of the time.

By the second week of April, I had learned to keep my emotions in check. Kim, Beth and I passed Jared on our way into the Ratty and as usual, but I couldn’t get quite past him without my eyes involuntarily glancing in his direction. When I did so, his eyes caught mine and for the first time in a month, he reached out and firmly pulled my arm, bringing me just inches from his face.

Beth and Kim stood a few feet away. They didn’t protest, but they didn’t leave me alone. I assumed they thought they might get an insight on the strange situation with Jared if they stuck around to eavesdrop.

I stood in front of him, obstinately silent.

Jared scanned my face in confusion. He didn’t speak so I took a step toward the door. He pulled me back.

His sweet scent floated around me and my chest tightened. Feeling something other than hollow sent a wave of panic over me and I lashed out at him. “What do you want, Jared?”

He winced at my acerbic tone. “I’ve been patient. I’ve given you space. But it’s time we talked.”