I get a real smile for that one. Of course Jane thinks I’m joking, but I’m totally serious. Nothing could give me more joy than watching Lydia puke on some priceless Pemberley heirloom.

Inside, the party is exactly like every other party, despite the grand surroundings. Darcy’s parents clearly still shop at Costco, however rich they are, because red plastic cups are everywhere.

The three of us do a circuit, ending in the kitchen. We’ve just gotten beer from the keg when George Wickham walks in and goes straight into a keg stand, without a word. Some of the lacrosse guys milling in the kitchen start chanting, “Chug! Chug!” like we’re in a high school movie. If there is anyone at West with fewer brain cells and more arrogance than Wickham, I’ve never met them.

I catch sight of Darcy in the dining room, talking to Caroline and their friend Louisa, a shorter, bottle-blond copy of Caroline. As always, Darcy is dashing. She’s got a bright red pencil dress on, with a plunging V-neck. The short hair of her Mohawk is slicked back tonight, severe. It’s too bad she’s the worst person in the world. What a total waste of hotness.

Darcy catches me looking. I flush, but she smiles and raises her cup. I smile briefly back.

Bing and Jane have ended up in conversation with the lacrosse guys, which is just as boring as it sounds. So I go in search of Lydia, and find her doing shots with Wickham. I’m about to interrupt when Jane darts in.

“There you two are!” She grabs us both by the wrists. “Come on! I need you guys!”

She pulls us into the living room, where people are sitting in a semicircle. In the centre is an empty beer bottle on its side.

Nope. No way. No, sir. No.

She gives me doe eyes. “Pleeeeeease, Lizzie? I’m so embarrassed but I can’t wuss out now! If you’re there I’ll feel so much better.”

“I really don’t want to play spin the bottle like we’re stereotypes come to life.”

“Please? We’ll finally be even for that time at camp with Michelle Beecham…” She waggles her eyebrows.

OK, she has me there. I roll my eyes and sit down. I’ll play ironic spin the bottle.

Then I look around the rest of the circle. And there is Darcy, sitting in between Bing and Caroline.

You have got to be kidding.

I give Jane a look but she just smiles her sneaky smile. I still haven’t told her what I overheard – it would only make her sad. She has it in her head that Darcy and I are some brilliant love/hate romantic comedy couple who fall in love in the end.

The rest of the circle includes Louisa, Bing’s friends Fitzy and William, and George Wickham, who followed Lydia and I. He’s clearly drunk, and very impressed with himself.

“I swear, Wickham thinks he’s the best thing to happen to a game of spin the bottle since the bottle,” I say to Jane. Darcy barks a laugh, and I realize I might not have been as quiet as I thought. But Darcy is smiling.