Danny folds his arms.

“But if two penguins can be gay, then it’s nature, isn’t it?” Molly says. “They’re just following their natural instincts.”

“They’re just attention-seekers,” Danny says.

“Oh, go and sit on a cock!” Molly screams at him.

Luis laughs, but I swallow and stare down at my trainers. I’m not an attention-seeker. That’s precisely what I don’t want to happen.

Priya clears her throat. “Um, so the balloons, then?”

“Let’s have rainbow balloons!” Danny announces. “Big gay rainbow balloons shaped like a penis and I’ll cancel the band and we can have a big gay kissing contest instead!”

Suddenly something bubbles up inside me, and I don’t know if it’s fear, or anger, or red-hot hate towards this utter wanker, but I run out of the room and the next thing I know I’m leaning against the wall of the corridor, out of breath, trembling, simultaneously feeling like I want to smash something and crawl under my duvet and disappear.

I feel Molly’s hand on my shoulder. “You OK, Cam?”

I don’t look at her, but I nod.

“He’s a dickhead.”

“Yeah,” I mutter. I turn to look at her, and I come so close to saying it. To telling her. But I bottle it. I don’t want people analyzing all the reasons I might be gay, like they’re doing with the penguins. I just need to be able to get on with it.

She gives me a smile, then wraps her arms round me and gives me a huge hug.

I think she already knows.

*

“Thanks for coming with me, mate,” Luis says, as we walk towards the zoo on Friday afternoon. “I need a wingman.”

“I really don’t see how I’m going to be any use,” I tell him.

“It’s just less awkward. Plus, it’s less like I’m stalking her.”

“We’re just two people stalking her.”

“Stalking is a solitary activity,” Luis says. “Weirdos never hang out in pairs.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, right? So Cathy and Heathcliff, then? Not weird? ‘I wish I could hold you … until we were both dead.’ That’s not weird? Jaime and Cersei in Game of Thrones – not weird?”

Luis tuts. “Don’t be mentioning death and incest when we’re with Femi. We don’t know her opinions on them.”

“Oh, what, you think she might be in favour of both?”

Luis stops dead in his tracks. “Oh my God.”

I look up and the smile falls from my face. There’s a group of protesters outside the zoo with placards. There’s a frumpy old woman holding one that reads ‘Stop the Gay Agenda’, a tall middle-aged man with one that says ‘Family First!’ and an actual little kid with a placard reading ‘Let Penguins Be Penguins’.

We tentatively walk up to the entrance, and a young woman with a pinched face hands me a flyer. “Boycott the zoo!” she says. “They’re pandering to the pro-gay lobby and their anti-family agenda!”

“How?” I manage to ask her.

“It’s a family zoo. By claiming the penguins are homosexual, it’s putting ideas into the heads of impressionable children.”