The sample vial fell gently away from my hand to the bottom of the pool. It took several seconds to fall 3 feet but, wearing this EVA suit at the bottom of the world’s largest swimming pool, I had no chance of reaching out to grab it.

“I dropped vial number three.”

“Okay,” said Forrester. “That’s three vials so far. We’re going to have to work on the clamper tool.”

“Might not be the tool. Might just be me.”

The tool in my awkwardly gloved hand was far from perfect, but still pretty ingenious. It turned the clumsy pawing of an EVA suit glove into fine manipulation at the other end. All I had to do was squeeze a trigger with my index finger and the clamp constricted by 2 millimeters. If I squeezed a different trigger with my middle finger, it would rotate up to 90 degrees clockwise. My ring and pinkie fingers made it tilt forward up to 90 degrees.

“Stand by, I’m checking the video,” said Forrester.

NASA’s Neutral Buoyancy Lab at Johnson Space Center was a marvel of engineering in itself. The gigantic swimming pool was large enough to fit a full-size replica of the International Space Station inside. They used it to train astronauts on zero-g maneuvering while in EVA suits.

After countless meetings (that I was unfortunately forced to attend), the microbiology community convinced Stratt the mission needed custom-designed tools. She agreed, on the condition that none of them be mission-critical. She was resolute on having all the important stuff be off-the-shelf products with millions of hours of consumer testing.

And, being her little science lapdog, it fell to me to test out the IVME kit.

IVME was an acronym that stood for four words God never intended to be together: “in vacuo microbiology equipment.” Astrophage lives in space. We could study them on Earth in our atmosphere all we wanted, but we wouldn’t get the full picture of how they worked until we studied them in vacuum and in zero g. The crew of the Hail Mary would need these tools.

I stood in one corner of the NBL, the imposing figure of ISS behind me. Two scuba divers floated nearby, ready to rescue me in the event of an emergency.

NASA had sunk a metal lab table into the pool for me. The biggest problem wasn’t making equipment that worked in vacuum—though they did have to completely redesign pipettes because there’s no suction force in space. The problem was the ham-fisted EVA gloves the user had to wear. Astrophage may like vacuum, but human bodies certainly don’t.

But hey, at least I was learning a lot about how Russian EVA suits worked.

Yes, Russian. Not American. Stratt listened to several experts and they all agreed the Russian Orlan EVA suit was the safest and most reliable. So that’s what the mission would use.