“No, you don’t. You’re not asking questions, and I know you must have lots of them.” This was the part I hated most in our talks. If I didn’t ask any questions, Mom would keep explaining for hours until I did. If I did ask questions, I felt I was being as weird as her and got embarrassed.

Today I wanted to get out to visit Gino and maybe even get over to Paraggi and see if Jennifer was at the pensione, so I hurriedly said, “I don’t understand about the ‘wet dream’ part.”

Mom’s face lit up. “I’m glad’you asked that and aren’t embarrassed to be frank and open about all this! What happens is that the little seeds, the sperm, build up in your testes and, for new ones to be made, some have to leave their little warm home to make room for the fresh supply. That way all your precious seeds are healthy and new all the time, so you can give your wife a good fresh seed for her perfect little precious egg.” Mom still was talking like I was already married, but I let it go because I was in a hurry.

“Oh, I see.”

Mom smiled. “So God has provided young healthy boys a natural means to get rid of, or as we say, ‘ejaculate,’ the unwanted seeds from time to time. What happens is that while you’re asleep, you have a lovely dream about something that makes your Little Thing get hard as if you were about to put the seed into your wife. But since you are only letting a little extra seed out, what happens is that you get those wonderful feelings in your Little Thing we discussed last time you had questions, and some seeds shoot out. When this happens let me know. You’re not to be embarrassed by this wonderful natural thing even if your sheets get a little wet. Just tell me and I’ll change the sheets and it’ll be our little secret.”

“Can I go, Mom?”

“Have you been touching yourself?”

No.

’Good, because masturbation is an expression of lust. Not natural like a wet dream. Wait for a wet dream. Don’t touch yourself.”

“Can I go, Mom?”

“Yes, but remember any time you have more questions, make sure you ask me right away. If you want to touch yourself, come to me and tell me so we can pray about it and ask the Lord to send you a wet dream, which is the natural healthy way He has provided.”