“Such as?” I said.

“Such as bein’ in such a state of fear and tremblin’ that I didn’t dast do anything when you told me you was goin’ to kill them two pimps. Also, along with being feared and trembly, I was just plain stupid, and I didn’t reckon there was no way we could ever convict you until this fella, George Barnes, came along and he don’t like you none at all nohow an’ I figure he could somehow prove the truth with me tellin’ him what it was, an’ also swearin’ to it.”

“Buck,” I said. “Listen to me, Buck . . .”

“Uh-huh.” Buck shook his head. “let a peck of dirt a day, every day I worked for Ken Lacey. Et so much dirt that I could feel it seepin’ out of me, and I couldn’t hardly bear to hug my kids no more nor t’sleep with my wife for fear it would rub off on them, and they couldn’t never get clean like I figured I couldn’t never get clean. Well, now, I got a chance to stop eatin’ it and put Ken Lacey under six feet of it. And don’t you try to stop me, Nick. You try to stop me, and t’me you’re just Ken Lacey; you’re his twin brother, spoonin’ the dirt into me every time I open my mouth, and I just can’t eat no more. I just can’t, by God, I CAN’T EAT NO MORE DIRT! I C-CAN’T—”

His jaw snapped shut. He brushed his nose with his sleeve, his eyes burnin’ into mine. “That’s it, Nick. I’d rather it was Ken, but it’s goin’ to be you or him.”

I took a drink from my glass, giving him time to get calmed down a little.

Then I told him why he couldn’t do it, revealin’ who I was for the first time. He didn’t seem a speck surprised, beyond raising his eyebrows for a second. The fact was, I guess, that he probably thought I was jokin’ or crazy—he didn’t care much which. An’ I suppose I should have expected that—because what would you have thought?—but I was still a mite disappointed.

I told him again, just to make sure he’d heard me right. He shook his head, sayin’ he reckoned I was wrong.

“Prob’ly got yourself mixed up with that other fella,” he said. “The one with the same front initial.”

“That’s right, Buck!” I said. “That’s right! I’m both, don’t you see? The fella that gets betrayed and the one that does the betrayin’ all in one man!”

He didn’t seem even nowheres near convinced. I jumped up and went over to the window, thinkin’ that maybe I would see a sign. But all I could see was a couple of dogs, frolickin’ around and sniffing each other.

I stood watching them, and I guess I laughed out loud without knowin’ it.

“That grave-dirt ticklin’ you?” Buck drawled. “You already got one foot in it, you know.”