Chapters (49)
- Title Page
- Acknowledgements
- ONE - THE KREMLIN, MOSCOW SEPTEMBER 24, 1999
- TWO - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA OCTOBER 6, 1999
- THREE - CAUCASUS REGION NEAR THE CASPIAN SEA, RUSSIA, OCTOBER 10, 1999
- FOUR - THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON, D.C. OCTOBER 26, 1999
- FIVE - KALININGRAD, RUSSIA OCTOBER 26, 1999
- SIX - KHABAROVSK TERRITORY NEAR THE RUSSIA-CHINA BORDER OCTOBER 27, 1999
- SEVEN - KALININGRAD, RUSSIA NOVEMBER 2, 1999
- EIGHT - WASHINGTON, D.C. NOVEMBER 5, 1999
- NINE - KALININGRAD REGION NOVEMBER 16, 1999
- TEN - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK NOVEMBER 28, 1999
- ELEVEN - NEW YORK CITY DECEMBER 23, 1999
- TWELVE - NEW YORK CITY DECEMBER 28, 1999
- THIRTEEN - VARIOUS LOCALES DECEMBER 31, 1999
- FOURTEEN - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA DECEMBER 31, 1999
- FIFTEEN - NEW YORK CITY DECEMBER 31, 1999
- SIXTEEN - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA DECEMBER 31, 1999
- SEVENTEEN - NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 1, 2000
- EIGHTEEN - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK JANUARY 1, 2000
- NINETEEN - NEW YORK CITY AND SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA JANUARY 1, 2000
- TWENTY - WASHINGTON, D.C. JANUARY 2, 2000 FROM THE
- TWENTY-ONE - NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 3, 2000 CALVARY CEMETERY, QUEENS
- TWENTY-TWO - MOSCOW JANUARY 6, 2000
- TWENTY-THREE - WASHINGTON, D.C. JANUARY 6, 2000
- TWENTY-FOUR - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA JANUARY 7, 2000
- TWENTY-FIVE - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA AND NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 8, 2000
- TWENTY-SIX - NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 16, 2000
- TWENTY-SEVEN - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK JANUARY 16, 2000
- TWENTY-EIGHT - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK JANUARY 16, 2000
- TWENTY-NINE - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK JANUARY 16, 2000
- THIRTY - NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 20, 2000
- THIRTY-ONE - BROOKLYN, NEW YORK JANUARY 26, 2000
- THIRTY-TWO - WASHINGTON, D.C. JANUARY 26, 2000
- THIRTY-THREE - WASHINGTON, D.C. JANUARY 28, 2000
- THIRTY-FOUR - NEW YORK CITY JANUARY 29, 2000
- THIRTY-FIVE - KALININGRAD, RUSSIA JANUARY 30, 2000
- THIRTY-SIX - THE KREMLIN, MOSCOW FEBRUARY 1, 2000
- THIRTY-SEVEN - ANKARA, TURKEY FEBRUARY 7, 2000
- THIRTY-EIGHT - CAPPADOCIA, SOUTHEASTERN TURKEY FEBRUARY 9, 2000
- THIRTY-NINE - KALININGRAD REGION FEBRUARY 9, 2000
- FORTY - KALININGRAD REGION FEBRUARY 10, 2000
- FORTY-ONE - NEW YORK CITY FEBRUARY 9, 2000
- FORTY-TWO - KALININGRAD REGION FEBRUARY 10
- FORTY-THREE - SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA FEBRUARY 10, 2000
- FORTY-FOUR - MOSCOW FEBRUARY 11, 2000
- FORTY-FIVE - MOSCOW FEBRUARY 12, 2000
- FORTY-SIX - DAGOMYS BLACK SEA COAST, RUSSIA FEBRUARY 12, 2000
- FORTY-SEVEN - NEW YORK CITY KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FEBRUARY 17, 2000
Trite words, perhaps, but Ashley could tell he meant them. As she rejoiced in the sound of his voice, she wondered how long it had been since he’d spoken to her like this, since he had really listened to her. Too long. It hurt to think about exactly how long. “I’m surprised you even noticed I was gone,” she said.
“Believe me, I noticed,” he said. “You’re not at the breakfast table. 1 start every day missing you, and it gets worse from there.” Roger sounded so tired.
“Since when do you eat breakfast at home?” Ashley asked quietly. “Usually, you’re out of the house before seven, grabbing something on the way to the office.”
There was a silence on the other end of the line as Roger digested that. Knowing him, he’d want to deny it; then, because he was a fair man, he’d start counting back in his head. Roger’s memory was legendary, photographic. At this moment, he’d probably gotten to the hundredth muffin he’d consumed at his desk, and he was now starting to count back through fruit plates and toasted bagels. The silence stretched on, a little strained.
“You’re right.” The admission undoubtedly hurt him like fire.
“I know I am.”
“It was never because I didn’t love you.” Roger swallowed. The sound carried clearly over the line. “No matter what I’m doing, I’d always rather be spending time with you.”
“Then why don’t you? How many meals have we shared in the past six months?”
Again, silence. Finally, the answer. “Thirty-eight?”
“Subtract banquets, political functions, work-related functions, and parties.” Ashley knew this wasn’t fair, but she was fighting for time and life with the man she loved. “By my reckoning, the answer comes to eighteen—three meals a month.”
“I know it’s hard for you, but it’s been tough for me, too.” Roger stopped for a moment, clearly picking his words with care. “I don’t always have the freedom to make my own choices.”
“Why not? You own the company.”
“Lately, with the ground stations going in, I’ve been so embroiled with politics worldwide that my time isn’t my own. Once this stage is over, things should get better.”
“And how many times have you told yourself—and me—that before? Will they really get better, or will you just launch into the next big project once you get some breathing room?” Ashley wanted to cry, could hear in her voice the sound of tears too close to the surface. She could only hope that Roger was too preoccupied with his own pain to notice.
“I know I’ve said it before, but this time I mean it.”