Figuring the question, standing in the kitchen in my underwear, lager in my hand, I came up against the edge of something. An absence, a ragged hole in my memory where the previous evening should be stored. What time did I get home? How did I get home? It was before the corner shop closed, as I had bought cans … I tracked back, trying to find the end of the Sellotape. I had been with Pierce. We had parted company on the train. I had been on the train alone. It had been a bad journey. Then I went home.

No: I went to the pub.

Pubs make dim memories, by design. Light comes fourth-hand in a good pub, through dusty lampshades, frosted glass, glinting brass and bulging optics. Someone had shoved me at Fenchurch Street and I had been upset. I had a copy of the Evening Standard – the plume was on the front page again, with the headline ‘Met Admits Drone Loss’. That was all quite clear. I had found a suitable pub. I had bought two pints of Stella. Both for me. That little memoroid, as it came bubbling up from the foamy depths, made me squirm. Two pints. I had been on a mission, a speed run to painlessness, and I didn’t care how it looked to the barman or to anyone else. I used to dabble in spirits for that, quick results, but a couple of terrifying blackouts last year meant I now stuck to lager for my own safety.

Around here, my memory failed. The video stalls, the ‘buffering’ symbol spins, the image smears into nightmare blocky garbage. I shivered. It was cold in the kitchen, and all over the flat. I took my almost-finished can back to the bedroom to get dressed, trying to ignore the chaos of empties and unfinished fast food in the living room, and the atrocious state of my stomach and head.

I should do some work, I thought. I really should do some work. After I dressed I opened a second can of Stella and started gathering the empties from the foot of the sofa. Six cans were on the floor, one of which, I discovered, was nearly full. So I had drunk a little more than five. Not an excessive amount for me, far from it, although I had no idea how much I had drunk in the pub before then.