There was a litter bin in the toilet, a good deep flip-top bin, but I was wary of leaving the cans on top of the rubbish, in case they were seen. So when Eddie entered the bathroom, he found me digging around in the bin, trying to bury them, and although he saw nothing specific his nod of greeting was accompanied by a deep frown of obvious suspicion.

He went to the urinal, and I went to wash.

The cold water was too cold – I was shivering. Or rather, my hands, pale as blobfish dredged from the deepest ocean, were shaking. I turned the water to hot and squirted soap onto my palm, hoping the rubbing of one hand against another might steady the tremor and burn up the time until Eddie left.

Eddie joined me at the sinks and soaped his own hands, eyeing the energetic lather than I had generated.

‘We never really finished our talk about Alexander,’ he said.

Part of the flimsy scenery of my life came crashing down. The strength was going from my legs, getting sucked into an abyss of unconsciousness and collapse. I had eaten nothing in more than twenty-four hours, and the consequences were coming, the horizon was closer than ever.

‘Didn’t we?’ I said.

‘No. And I’d like to hear more about how it went.’

‘I’ve been prioritising Pierce,’ I said.

‘Well, don’t forget about Alexander,’ Eddie said. ‘I want to see some of that, too.’

‘I thought we were postponing it,’ I said, clinging to hope.

Eddie fixed me with a stern, patient look. He had finished his hands; I had not yet rinsed mine. ‘On Monday,’ he said slowly, ‘we agreed that you would do both.’

‘A lot has changed since then,’ I said.

‘Nothing has changed. What’s changed?’

Well, I was dramatically more fucked up, but that wasn’t worth mentioning.

‘I don’t see the problem,’ Eddie said. ‘You did both, right? So tidy up some quotes, write an intro, and bring it into the meeting.’

‘Pierce is such a big story—’ I began.

‘So big,’ Eddie interrupted, ‘that we might need to hold it. If there are legal issues. We have to be careful. So you have work to do, yes?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’re a senior team member, I shouldn’t have to explain this.’

‘No. I understand.’

‘Good.’ And he stalked away.

With his departure, my last supporting wire was snipped. My fingers slipped and jarred as I turned off the tap, and I slumped against the sink. My hands had probably never been cleaner.