Pictures! Val would want wedding pictures. "I didn't think to bring a camera," I said.

"That's okay," Valerie said. "I brought my camera."

"Yeah, and Connie and me stopped at the store and got one of them happy-snappy things," Lula said.

"You gotta have pictures of the bride," Grandma said.

All eyes turned to me. I'd gotten rushed out of the house this morning. I was still wearing the clothes I grabbed off the floor, and I had a ball cap on my head. And two big red hives on my face.

"That's okay, pumpkin," Diesel said to me. "I think you look… cute."

I introduced Annie and the justice of the peace, and Albert Kloughn broke out in a sweat.

"I thought I recognized you," he said to Annie. "We met just once, and it was a while ago."

Annie smiled at him. "It's so nice to see you again, Albert."

Albert was wearing a suit and tie, and he tugged at his shirt collar. "Can't breathe," he said.

"I'm in a hurry to get married," I yelled.

"We need to get some papers signed," Annie said. "Albert, you sign here as a witness. And Valerie. And here for Stephanie."

I watched Diesel sign. "Just Diesel?" I said to him. "No last name?"

"That's all I've got," Diesel said. "My name's Diesel."

"I need a bathroom," Albert said.

"No!" I told him. "You're gonna have to hold it. Everyone get in their places. Valerie, you stand next to me. And Albert, you stand next to Diesel."

The justice of the peace jumped into action and whipped out his little book with the ceremony in it.

Lula snapped a picture and my mother started crying.

Albert stood rooted to the spot, his face white but his cheeks stained red. Diesel grabbed Albert by the back of his suit jacket and dragged him to his side, so we were all four in a row.

"Are we ready to begin?" the justice asked.

"Yes," I said, "but we need to change places. This is actually going to be Valerie's and Albert's wedding."

Albert went down to his knees, and Diesel yanked him up to his feet, still holding tight to Albert's jacket.

The justice started reading from his script. "Dearly beloved—"

"Skip ahead to the I do part," I said to the justice.

The justice thumbed over a couple pages in his book.

"I'm going to be sick," Albert said.

"Dude," Diesel said. "Suck it up."

Albert went down to his knees again. "I got this thing about weddings."

"You were okay when you thought it was mine," Diesel said. "Just pretend it's mine."

"I can't pretend," Albert said. "I'm no good at pretending."

"We could have a double wedding," Valerie said. "Simultaneous. Then Albert could concentrate on being the best man."

I felt another hive break out on my chin. "I need my salve," I said. "Somebody get me some salve."

"It's not a bad idea," Annie said. "The universe would rest easier if Diesel was married."