I heard a car door slam outside, and moments later Jeanine's bell rang again. Jeanine opened the door, and Lula looked in at us.

"I was driving by on my way back from church, and I saw the car and I thought I saw Grandma come in here," Lula said. "Are you guys having a party? Dang, whose hairy ass is that on your television screen?"

"Big Chief," Jeanine said.

"He's the best," Lula said, taking her coat off, pushing in next to Grandma on the couch. "Are we having wine?"

Jeanine brought two more glasses and the bottle, and I hit the play button.

"Now see this here," Lula said, watching Dickbender work over Big Chief. "I've done this lots of times, and she's doing it all wrong."

"Lula was a professional," Grandma told Jeanine. "She was the best on her corner."

"Darn right," Lula said. "I knew what I was doing."

Jeanine filled Lula's glass with wine. "Maybe you could give me some pointers."

"Sure," Lula said. "I'm retired now, so I can share my secrets to being a successful 'ho. The thing is, you gotta get a good rhythm going. My signature move was to do it to 'Jingle Bells.' Everybody loves 'Jingle Bells.' " Lula beat out the rhythm on the coffee table. "Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle all the way . . . unh!"

"Boy" Jeanine said, "this is just what I need to know."

"Yep," Lula said, "you just keep singing 'Jingle Bells,' and before you know it you can collect your fifteen dollars and leave."

"I could do that," Grandma said. "I can sing 'Jingle Bells,' and I could use an extra fifteen dollars."

Vanessa Dickbender let out a shriek, and we all sucked in some air.

"What was that?" Jeanine wanted to know "What happened?"

"That might have been a orgasm," Lula said.

"Yikes," Jeanine said. "It sounded painful."

Lula sat back. "Yeah, it was probably fake, but I guess it was supposed to be a big one."

Jeanine poured herself another glass of wine.

"I think he's getting to the end," Lula said. "I can tell on account of all the veins have popped out in Big Chief's face, and he looks like he's gonna have a heart attack. How long's he been doing this anyway?"

"It's been going on for about forty minutes now," I told her.

"Nobody got staying power like Big Chief," Lula said. "He did it in the back of a car one time for ninety minutes. The film is a classic. And I hear they had to hook him up to one of them IV fluid bags when he was done."

"This is kind of scary," Jeanine said. "Maybe I should learn CPR."

"It won't be scary," I said to Jeanine. "You'll be fine. Just keep singing 'Jingle Bells.' "

It was early afternoon when I dropped Grandma off at my parents' house.

"Sorry you missed the viewing," I told her.

"That's okay," she said. "It's not every day I get to see a real good educational film. And I'll get another crack at Elaine tonight."