So, how did I become Emissary of Testing? And for them, not me? Hurt feelings? If it’d been a three-way on his kitchen floor, who knows how long we might all have drifted, unchecked. A busy bee erotically, I was not likely to accuse. My first simple impulse was to just save them both. If that casts me in the role of school monitor, well, they’d always considered me somewhat fusty, slow, and square.

I knocked on Angie’s door. I had not, as usual, phoned first. She bobbed out, but wearing a swipe of red paint across half her face; and I could see she didn’t much like being interrupted. “Call me Mr. Butt-insky, witch at the wedding. But it’s this—we have got to get you tested, honey.”

“‘We?’”

“Yeah, I think ‘we.’ To be so short, it’s a right crowded word, ain’t it? I saw a thing. Before you two were together, that one single solitary time, ever ever, right? … sorry, I saw a mark on our dear one. I’m not saying just because you … I don’t know, if things’re not done the usual way with guys and gals, if that’s better or worse or counts more … Nobody knows much of anything anyhow but … I will only ask this once. Did you ever wonder about it, your health, while you were with him? They say these days you should be careful … It was in the Voice. Warnings you’ve probably started seeing stapled to phone poles, Bama. It’s just, I love you both. Shouldn’t we go find out? If only so we can all relax, at least about this part? I am not being spiteful. This is the reverse of Bitch, girlfriend. These days, most of what I want to do is run from you two. But I’m right here. —Your Hartley here’ll do the legwork. Now you go right on back to making art, my wizardgirl. —Test or no test? Just give me a nod.”

She backed up. She backed into her studio. Disoriented, looking for some surface to sit upon, she moved in reverse and fell back, settled, butt-first, on her palette. Surprising me as usual, Alabama laughed at this. She stared over one shoulder and down at her own still-perfect backside. “You know? Using a mirror, with linseed oil, I could daub color right off. Most palettes have the thumb hole, right, hon?” I told her I’d find out where and make the appointment and, if she let me, I’d come with her.

“But what are you saying about him, Hartley? Have you talked to him about this?”