“Right. Anyway, the boy hasn’t said a damn word all night. Seems like all he wants to do is eat. Just about ate us out of house and home. Ribs. Pork chops. Bolonga. Spam. You name it. What do you make of that?”

“Of what? A teenager that don’t talk to his folks and eats everything in sight? Sounds like a healthy American kid to me.” Hubie turned the page of his magazine, gazed at a redhead vacuuming her dorm room in a thong.

“Normally I’d agree with you,” Mr. Meekin said, “but Philip’s just not hisself. He’s been drooling like a faucet. His skin’s gone pasty, and he stinks something fierce.”

“You don’t say.”

“And a few hours back, he went to smashing his head into the garage door over and over. Coming right out of a four-point stance—you know, like he does on the ball field.”

“Well, your boy’s been through a lot. He’s probably still just a little dazed.”

“You really think that’s it?”

“Sure. If it makes you feel any better, I got a whole jailhouse over here full of boys smashing their heads against the bars.”

“You mean them Badgers?”

“Yep. They’re smashing up everything in sight, including each other. But I’m not too worried … ‘boys will be boys’ and all.”

“I suppose. My wife wanted to take Philip to the hospital, but I suggested we just put him to bed, let him sleep it off.”

“Sounds rational.”

“Trouble is I got up to take a leak a few minutes ago, decided I’d check in on him, and saw that he was missing.”

“Just up and gone, huh?”

“Hmm. So what can you do about it?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. Christ, am I talking to the Sheriff’s Office or the Dairy Queen? It’s almost two in the morning and my boy’s AWOL.”

Hubie swallowed a bite of roast beef. “Well, it’s department policy not to consider a kid missing until we feel he’s had time to sober up. These missing kids always have a way of turning up, you know?”

“Yeah? That what they told Lindbergh?”

“Who the hell is Lindbergh?”

“How ’bout you just put me on to the sheriff.”

“Would if I could. He’s at home grabbing a few winks. Look, the way I see it, your boy is probably out with Marvin Bumbgardner, Kevin O’Flannery, and Shane Butler.”

“What makes you say that?”

“’Cause their folks have all called here in the last half hour to report them missing, too.”

“That so?”

“Sure enough. So you see, you got nothing to worry about.”

“I suppose. Hope the old lady’ll see it that way.”