A member of the cabin crew rushes to my side, asking whether I’m all right.

“Just a bit emotional,” I mumble. “Nothing to worry about.”

When she’s gone, I wonder whatever I’m going to do with myself for the next twenty-odd hours in this cabin in the sky. Drinking is an option, but I want to arrive in Paris looking the best I can. Even though I’ve waited two months to board this plane, these last few days have been the hardest. Time seemed to slow down more and more as my departure time approached. On top of that, Camille hasn’t been that reachable because four weeks ago she became a grandmother to a baby girl named Emma and she’s been spending most of her free time helping out her daughter.

I’m not one to be jealous of a newborn baby, but sharing the spotlight of Camille’s heart with someone new from all those miles away has presented me with an extra challenge. There was an unexpected benefit though. A few days after Flo was allowed to leave the hospital, Camille Skyped me from her daughter’s house and formally introduced me to Flo, Mathieu, and Emma. It was a significant moment in our relationship.

Soon, I’ll be meeting them all in the flesh. Soon. First I have a flight to get through. And it’s a flight unlike any other I’ve been on before. Not because of my fellow passengers and not even because of the destination—it’s not my first trip to Paris—but because of all the emotions that lie in wait for me when I arrive.

It feels like I’m traveling toward a new life. Even though there’s also the anxiety of not really knowing what is going to happen when I see Camille again. When I spend time with her on her turf. When she tries to integrate me into her everyday life and introduces me to her family and friends.

Two months of anticipation make me ask for a double gin and tonic after takeoff and I eagerly wait for the alcohol to hit my bloodstream and relax my frantic mind. Despite Camille’s insistence that these days anyone can get around Paris perfectly well only speaking English and that she would teach me all the French I need, I’ve purchased a French language course. I’m meant to repeat the words, but I feel a bit silly saying words I can’t even pronounce out loud on an airplane, so I only repeat them in my head, probably not helping myself and my learning progress much.