I text Caitlin to let her know I’ll come to hear Josephine sing next time. I know that if I call her, she’ll try to talk me out of it with a slew of rational arguments I might even want to cling to, just to stop myself from feeling like this. But, truth be told, this lovesickness—I don’t know how else to describe it—is something I cherish as well. Because, as it turns out, after the whole Rebecca debacle, I can still fall in love. Her cheating on me hasn’t ruined me for the rest of my life. Going on a date with Camille was only meant to be a distraction with a woman who was meant to be unavailable, but it has turned into so much more. Although the unavailable part still holds true.

I’ll stay home and look at the videos I’ve been afraid to download to my laptop. I’m afraid of the emotions they’ll provoke and my incapacity to handle them.

I’ve barely sent my text, when Caitlin calls. I should have known. Perhaps I did.

“I’m not having you sit in your house by yourself all night pining for Camille. There’s just no way, Zo,” she says, dispensing with the greetings. “Come out with us. And that’s an order.”

“Last time I checked Jack was my boss, not you,” I reply.

“I’ll send a car to your house and have the driver honk the horn until you get in. Your neighbors will hate you for disturbing their Friday night Balmain peace.”

I sigh. “I just don’t feel like company that much.”

“Of course you don’t, but that’s not the point.” Caitlin’s voice softens a little. “When we all went to dinner that night, and you went to the ladies’, I promised Camille I would not let this happen. I promised I would do everything I could to get you out of the house, where all you will do is mope and wait for the phone to ring. Do you really want me to break a promise to Camille?”

“Remind me to never get on your bad side.” I chuckle. “You’re like a starving pit-bull with a bone.”

“I’m your friend. I’m looking out for you. Come spend some time with us. Stay over at mine. We’ll have a big breakfast at the Pink Bean tomorrow morning. It will be fun.”

“But… what if she calls?” As soon as the words leave my mouth I know how they make me sound.