Jane chuckled. “Ain’t that the truth.” Were they getting closer to the subject they really needed to discuss? And was she subconsciously avoiding it because she knew she was hardly squeaky clean either? “I miss writing so much at the moment. It’s such a big help with sorting through my feelings. But at the same time the thought of having to write fills me with dread. It’s all very ambiguous.”

“Give it time. There’s no pressure.”

A short silence fell.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Annie asked after a while.

“I don’t know.” Jane drank from her glass of Pinot Noir. “Depends how tonight goes.”

Annie nodded. “I never meant to hurt you, Jane. I hope you can see this for what it is.”

“Your midlife crisis?”

“Then I would have tried to trade you in for an even younger model.” Annie painted a smile on her face.

Even though Jane didn’t much feel like laughing, she managed a giggle.

“It did hurt to realize how you felt about her. Probably even more so because, no matter how much I wanted to blame you, it reminded me of how I hurt you with Beth.” The next question was probably the hardest to ask. “Did you ever… contemplate leaving me?”

Annie shook her head. “No. Not for one second. This wasn’t about that. It wasn’t about our relationship at all. It was just a feeling that got hold of me…”

“Got?”

“Well, I guess it’s still there. I can hardly sit here and say it’s not, but that’s all it is in the end. A feeling. The most nebulous, fleeting thing.”

“When I… I mean, seven years ago… the thought did cross my mind.” Jane didn’t say this because she wanted to hurt Annie, but because the guilt of even having had the inclination had been sitting with her for all that time.

“But you didn’t.” Annie’s voice sounded a bit more matter-of-fact. “That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

“When you think of all the different courses relationships can take at certain points… Sometimes I think it’s a miracle for two people to stay together as long as we have.”

“I tend to agree, but I also think there comes a point when you’ve been with someone for such a long time, it’s no longer a choice. It becomes much more about wanting to safeguard what you have, because you know that the two of you together will always make more sense than you alone.” Annie’s glance softened. “Does that make sense?”

“It does to me. I can’t imagine my life without you. Everything we do is so intertwined. I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if I hadn’t met you twenty years ago.”

“Nor would you be if Beth Walsh hadn’t come along…”