And I know I shouldn’t think of Rebecca, but I also know it’s impossible not to. She was the person who was everything to me for such a long time. The one my life revolved around. Is this all it takes to climb out of the massive crater of pain she pushed me into? Feeling like this with a woman who will only be in Australia for a few more days?

A woman whose fingers are dangerously close to my pubic area. I push down my panties and wriggle out of them as best I can. Her eyes are still on mine. Her gaze on me is intense and a little disconcerting, but also very hot in its demand. It tells me what she wants from me. I want the exact same thing. To be in this moment with her. To experience this extreme pleasure with another person, to no longer feel alone in our grief. In the relationship crimes that have been done to us.

Camille’s fingers skate along my pussy lips, which respond by throbbing and, though I have no way to verify, opening themselves up to her. My body is in control now. What did Rebecca call me one of the last times we had sex? Uptight. Too in my head. My head has nothing to do with what is happening right now.

I look into Camille’s eyes again. They seem a lighter brown in here. Her pupils grow wider as the tip of her finger enters me. A glimmer of a smile plays on her lips. It reaches her eyes. And I give myself up to her. I meet her thrust, which is very light and gentle. Like she’s discovering me. She is. And herself as well.

“More,” I urge, because my desire seems to have found a direct connection to my tongue. I never asked Rebecca for more. Maybe I should have. Maybe things would have been different if I had. Maybe I wouldn’t be enjoying the hands of a stranger on me in my rental flat.

Camille fucks me harder. My eyes have fallen shut, but when I open them for an instant, I see she is still looking at me. This must be the first time she’s seeing a woman enveloped in such rapture. The first time she’s the source of it. To mean this very thing to someone is an honor.

I give myself up to her more, because what we’re doing right now is a gift to both of us. It’s the pair of us saying yes to the rest of our lives. To stepping away from the mistakes and pain of the past. This is the moment when we choose the future. When looking back is still an option but no longer one we want to indulge in.