“Strings?” said Fiona.

“Yeah, you can rent a violin from the school and you learn how to play it and you play it in this string group. My teacher said they are asking for people to sign up now for next fall so they know how many people are going to be in it.”

She handed Fiona the notice. Fiona read it. There was the violin rental and the lessons, which students had to take privately in order to belong to the strings group. Fiona looked at the final estimated cost.

“We can’t afford it,” she said flatly.

Natasha looked astonished. “But you said we had money,” she said.

“We have money for necessities. This isn’t a necessity, Nat.”

Natasha’s face fell. Then, as was her way, she didn’t argue, she just put her school things down, picked up her binoculars, and went out to the backyard to watch birds.

Fiona felt the way you do after you’ve had to rip a particularly painful Band-Aid off someone. She gave a sigh. Marlin would have been angry. Charlie would have cried. It hurt the most to say no to Natasha. She sucked things up and moved back into her own quiet little world where she drifted most times, watching wildlife, keeping track of birds, going off alone to sit on the beach, lost in thoughts she never shared. The only time Fiona got angry with her parents for dying was when she was worried about Nat. There was something different about Natasha. Fiona and Marlin and Charlie all caused their share of worry but even though Charlie was fearful, even though Fiona sometimes wondered if Charlie needed help dealing with her fears, Fiona always knew in the end Charlie would be okay. But she was never sure this way about Natasha. There were parts of her that were so unreachable that Fiona worried that if Natasha crawled back into that part of herself, she would disappear and no one would be able to retrieve her. The heartbreaking vulnerability of Nat had been her parents’ problem. Natasha should have stayed their problem. She had always worried about Natasha a little as her sister but her parents had had the brunt of the worry. Now it was Fiona’s alone.

But she couldn’t dwell on Natasha’s disappointment, she had laundry loads to do, and an English paper to write, and then it was her turn to take dinner to Al. It was almost dinner when she realized she hadn’t seen Nat all afternoon and she was supposed to do her homework before supper. They all did their homework before supper so that they could watch TV together afterward. It was like Nat to forget, though, if not reminded.

Fiona looked out back and couldn’t see her so she went onto the back porch and called. There was no answer. Was Nat angrier than Fiona had expected? Just because Fiona had said no to strings? Had she run off to hide? But that wasn’t like Nat. Natasha knew she and Charlie were not supposed to disappear on them. It was one of the few hard rules Fiona had made. They must always be in shouting distance because Fiona had enough to worry about without rounding them all up for dinner or worrying where they’d gone. She called again but still no Natasha so Fiona went down the beach trail. Perhaps she’d followed a bird down there. She had her binoculars and the surf could be loud when the tide was going in or out. Nat might not have heard her calling.