“Is it safe for us to be here?” I asked as Gran pulled into the driveway.

“The rain we had last month washed most everything clean,” Gran said. “Lemmy tested again though, before he let us come. The radiation is in the soil now, under the snow and ice, filtering into the groundwater. It’s safe for us to visit. But not a good place for anyone to live.”

We backed up to the barn nearest the house. Uncle Lemmy joined us, unloading the ewes and settling them in a clean stall. We hurried from the barn inside to Aunt May.

A hospital bed and some medical equipment took up a large portion of the living room. The rest of the room was sprawled with my cousins, all seven of them.

In the bed lay Bethany, the youngest of the girls, tubes and monitors hooked up to her. Her thin hair spread like dark wet fingers across her scalp. Bethany had taken in a high dose of radiation shortly after the accident. No one knew why she got sicker than the others. The doctors never thought she’d make it through the first month. She did.

“We’re managing,” Aunt May said. “But we can’t sell the farm. And Lemmy here can’t bring himself to leave. Not for a few months, anyway. Not until he’s certain about the degree of contamination.”

Twice the government had ignored high radiation levels on Aunt May and Uncle Lemmy’s farm. But Uncle Lemmy couldn’t ignore the readings. He wouldn’t sell tainted milk, even if the government claimed it was safe.

Always in the past Aunt May and Uncle Lemmy had laughed so easy. They had lines around their eyes and their mouths, like folding fans, from all the laughter. The lines looked uneasy on their faces now, like the creases you get from sleeping hard on a crumpled sheet. Even when my father left and my mother died, they didn’t take it this hard.

It was warm for December, but Uncle Lemmy had the woodstove cranking heat. Those big cousins of mine took up the whole living room. Everywhere were slung arms, splayed legs. An odor like ripe male goats lingered beneath the bleach smell.

I’d rarely spent more than a few minutes inside this house when I visited. Usually I’d grab a sandwich or go to the bathroom. Sometimes I didn’t even come in for that. We did everything outside.

“Lou? Maxine? Let’s go out,” I said to the two cousins closest to my age.

Both girls looked up, afraid.

“It’s too hot in here,” I said. “I need to get out.”

My cousins wouldn’t even look at me.

“Then I’ll go alone.” I stood.

Gran and Aunt May exchanged glances.

“How bad is it out there?” Gran asked.

“It’s better,” Uncle Lemmy said. “The area around the barns and the house isn’t bad. And we have protective gear.”

Gran looked at me. “You’ll stay in the gear and only go where Uncle Lem says it’s safe.”