Earlier in the evening, I had dimmed the lights and thrown open the drapes, anticipating a guest. I never do this for Sarah but upon reentering the apartment, I thought of her. It was her fault she was being replaced this evening. She couldn’t join me tonight and I was forced to go stag. Her loss. Thus orchestrated, the apartment lay before my visitor like a movie set: vistas, twinkly lights out there in the black, the rising moon. I flipped on the stereo and poured brandies. Everything proceeded per usual.

She was a writer, of course. And marginally interesting because twenty years ago when she was eight years old, her father accidentally shot her mother in the leg, severing the femoral artery. This brilliant young woman, then a brilliant little girl, witnessed her mother’s death as she bled out on the living room floor. I brought up my own mother’s premature death and we discussed that for a while until I sensed that tears were imminent and I changed the subject. After endless all-night sessions with various ex-girlfriends and lovers, I am no longer available as therapist to fucked-up beauties. I want my perquisites with no strings attached.

The awards dinner was a fading memory as we flirted. It was fait accompli, wasn’t it? We were striking a deal. She would permit me to caress those mysterious thighs, nuzzle those breasts and enter her. In return I would grant her access to the inner sanctum of a great man’s life. She would be allowed to entertain the illusion that she had melded with a great mind. (A mind not unlike hers, of course.) This entitlement would nourish her grandiosity, which she mistook for authentic talent.

My venerable cum was still cooling (or warming?) in her somewhere when I began to get restless. (No, no condom. I’m fixed. Furthermore I always make a pretense of being a person who rarely gets laid, ergo, the logic is, I carry no STDs. Girls like my new friend are usually clean and so am I. I hope.)

At two a.m, I let her know I had an early morning appointment and invited her to depart. She seemed surprised by this. As she redressed, I killed time scanning the latest issue of The New York Review of Books, then escorted her down to my driver, who had been waiting patiently under the awning of the building. Something simultaneously chivalrous and vulgar about that.

I handed her an autographed copy of A Gentle Death, slammed the door of the car, blew a kiss, turned on my heels and marched smartly back into the mild glow of the lobby, where my stoic doorman kept vigil. His face betrayed nothing.