I am writing like a motherfucker. I’ve been totally clean for a month now. This is because of Katie. She has saved me. Plus we are getting pretty serious. It’s different with her now. She’s someone I can be affectionate with. Someone I can be honest with. Also I want to hear what she has to say. I want to love her. She’s so smart and so delicate and so sweet. It’s crazy, I have feelings for her I don’t think I’ve ever had with a woman. We can talk.

Katie is going home to visit her folks in Minneapolis next week. I promised her no boozing and no hard drugs while she’s gone.

March 8, 1979

It is an amazing gift to have someone in your life you can actually communicate with. Katie was born a thousand miles away, but one way or another we’ve come to see the world in such similar ways. I’m not saying we don’t have disagreements, but usually when I disagree with someone, I know I’m right. With Katie, it’s not like that. She’s that smart.

And she’s so sweet to me now. Not neurotic. She brings out the best in me. When she smiles, I feel something light up deep within me. Can I use the word “love” here? We even talk about how we both love kids. I could imagine having children with this woman.

In a way, no matter whatever’s happened to me, I’ve always been alone. And I sense that Katie knows that feeling. It’s the solitude of the genuine individual. Sometimes she becomes very quiet. And I know that that quiet flows from a tremendous capacity for empathy. That she mourns the sadness of the world, of the ultimately impossible chasms between all of us.

She is a slim, delicate beauty. She is so wonderful to hold in my arms. I guess I love her because she is honest. I know that every gesture she makes means what it is supposed to mean. Who does that? No one.

We were talking about life and she said, “Life is not the big things. It is all the little things you don’t notice.” As I write this she is in the next room napping on the couch. I just put a blanket on her. I feel so protective of her and that’s good.

March 10, 1979

Someday I will look back at this day and I will realize that it was the best day of my life. I’m in love with Katie, I have money in my pocket, I’m writing the best stuff I’ve ever written, my whole future is in front of me. The sun is shining, the birds are singing outside my window and I’m sober. How great is that? She leaves tomorrow and I will miss her so much.

March 12, 1979