Cover

Dedication

For Grahame Claire.

Thank you for the endless ways you’ve supported me on this journey. The author gig wouldn’t be nearly as fun if I didn’t have you alongside me.

Prologue

Kenna

PAST

I waved frantically, trying to clear the smoke away from the oven with one hand as I attempted to open the kitchen window with the other. My efforts were in vain. The smoke detector let out a wail that was likely to make my brain bleed.

“Blasted oven.” I ran for one of the barstools and tugged it over beneath the shrieking alarm. I climbed up, stretching on my tiptoes until I could just reach the device. I twisted it off and quickly unplugged the wire.

“What in heaven’s name is going on in here? Do I need to get the fire extinguisher?”

“I’m sorry, Harriet. I just…” I wasn’t sure how to finish that statement.

Harriet fought to hold back a laugh as she shook her head, the lines creasing her face deepening with the movement. “Let me get these out of the oven, and you climb down off that death trap before you fall and crack your head open.”

I carefully lowered myself to the seat of the stool and then stood, setting the smoke detector on the counter. “I really am sorry.”

Harriet waved me off as she slipped on oven mitts. “You know you don’t have to apologize for things like this. We have to make mistakes—”

“—so that we can learn,” I finished in tandem with her. My grandmother’s best friend had been preaching this line since I’d come to live with her seven years ago. One of many Harriet-isms that I’d come to know and love.

She lifted the baking sheet up and frowned. “I’m afraid to say I don’t think these will recover. What were you trying to make?”

I took in the charred black rocks on the pan. Just the sight of them had a burn lighting behind my eyes. “Biscuits.”

Harriet’s gaze jumped to me at the sound of strain in my voice. “Oh, sweet girl. We can make another batch.”

“I don’t have time. And I just…I wanted everything to be perfect. I swear I followed your recipe to the letter.” But somewhere along the way, something had gotten mixed up, and my plans had gone up in smoke. If that wasn’t a metaphor for my life at the moment, I didn’t know what was.

“Take a deep breath.” Harriet ducked into the pantry and pulled out a Tupperware container. “I’ve got some crescent rolls from lunch you can take. What are they for anyway?”

“A picnic.” One I’d spent hours preparing for, trying to think of every last detail. “It’s Grant’s and my anniversary.”

Harriet’s expression faltered for a moment as she handed me the container. Her relationship with her grandson wasn’t always an easy one. And no matter what I tried to do to smooth the way for the two of them, it never seemed to work.

Harriet cleared her throat. “I just talked to Clark a minute ago, and he said they were all headed for the mainland. Spending a few nights in Seattle before heading on a trip to Boston.”

Grant hadn’t said a word about a trip with his parents. God, I hoped he hadn’t forgotten. “He texted me just a bit ago and said he was heading into town to pick up a few things. We’re supposed to meet on the beach in a few minutes.”

She patted my hand. “I must’ve misunderstood. You two have fun. Just make sure you’re back by eleven.”

I grinned at Harriet. “Never any curfew extensions from you.”

“I’ve only got you living at home for a bit longer, let me rule those few months with an iron fist.”

“Fair enough.” That was the thing about living the majority of your childhood with a parent who couldn’t care less about you, having a strict guardian made me feel nothing but loved. When classmates moaned and complained about curfews and family dinners, I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Was it really so bad to know that people cared about you? Your safety and your well-being?

I leaned forward and kissed Harriet’s cheek. “Don’t forget, you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning.”

She chuckled. “Always mothering me.”

“Just looking out for you.” It was the least I could do for the woman who had given me so much. I’d been terrified when I first came to live at The Gables, sure I’d be sent away from Harriet’s sprawling waterfront estate and back to the home where I had been left alone to make myself dinner with the little we had in our pantry or to try and figure out how to use the washing machine so my clothes didn’t smell. But slowly, The Gables became home, and Harriet, my family.

She cupped my face in her hands. “You’re a treasure. The best surprise gift of my life.”

Guilt swamped me for what felt like the millionth time in the past two days. I’d almost blurted out my secret more times than I could count, hungry for Harriet’s wisdom and comfort. I swallowed the words back. “I should go.”

She patted my cheek and sent me off with a shooing motion. I picked up the picnic basket and headed out of the kitchen. I tried to shove the guilt and worry from my mind as I made my way out the front door.

Gravel crunched as I walked away from the large stone house, the rocks soon giving way to thick, lush grass that tickled my feet. The quaint guest house poked up on my right, and I could see Grant’s home in the distance. I grinned, thinking about the time we’d gotten long-range walkie talkies and stayed up late into the night, swapping stories and sharing secrets.

I searched the beach for Grant’s long, lean form, but the shore was empty. I crossed to the large piece of driftwood that made the perfect picnic spot. Spreading out the contents of the basket, I eased down onto the blanket, careful not to get anything on my dress. I glanced down at my watch. He was only a few minutes late.

I took a deep breath and forced my attention to the ocean, hoping the rippling of the water would soothe my frayed edges. I’d written out what I might say to Grant, how I’d tell him, over and over, but nothing seemed quite right. I just hoped that in the moment, the right words would come, ones that eased instead of panicked, that assured him we were in this together.

I thought it all through again, practicing the different things I might say, how I would voice them. Until the rumbling of my stomach brought me back to the present. I checked the time again. Forty-five minutes had passed in the blink of an eye. I looked down at my phone. No messages.

Annoyance pricked at my skin. Grant knew that marking special occasions was important to me. Birthdays, anniversaries, I always did my best to make them special for the people I loved. Probably because my mother had never done so for me, other than the time she’d shown up smashed to my fourth-grade classroom with a dozen stale donuts. Grant knew my wounds better than anyone, which only dug the sting in deeper.

A loud whistle pierced the air, and I turned to see Grant crossing the lawn towards the beach. I climbed to my feet, doing my best to keep the mixture of frustration and hurt in check. His eyes lit with a familiar heat as he approached. “Hey, babe. You look gorgeous.”

“I thought we were meeting at five.” As soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. My harping on his tardiness would only ruin our night.

Grant sent me a sheepish smile, the same one he always used before trying to smooth something over. “I ran into Joe in town. We started talking, and I lost track of time. I’m sorry, babe.” He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. “Forgive me?”

The familiar warmth spread through me as I snuggled closer. When Grant held me, it was the one time I truly felt safe and not alone. I wanted to bask in the sensation forever. “You’re forgiven.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small jewelry box and placing it in my hand. “This should make up for it.”

The velvet of the case tickled my palm as excitement lit through me. I opened the box and gasped. The heart-shaped diamond necklace caught the fading sun in a glittering dance. “Grant, this is too much.”

He cupped my face, tilting my head back. “You deserve the best. Happy Anniversary.”

“Happy Anniversary,” I echoed.

His lips met mine in a slow kiss that sent sparks through me. But as I pulled away, an overly sweet smell filled my senses. My nose wrinkled. “You smell like you rolled around in a florist shop.”

Grant stiffened. “I hugged my mom before they left. I think she was wearing a new perfume.” He chuckled. “I don’t think it’s a winner.”

It didn’t smell like something Annabelle would wear. But then again, my tastes were never up to her standards. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and focused on the boy in front of me. The lock of golden blond hair that always swooped across his face, and the green flecks in his hazel eyes. He was beautiful. And he was mine. “I missed you.”

Grant planted one more peck on my lips. “Missed you, too, babe.” His hand squeezed my butt. “You’ve been working too hard.”

I forced my smile to stay in place. Grant never understood my need to work, to save. How could he when he’d never wanted for a single thing in his entire life. But I needed the sense of security, the knowledge that I could provide for myself in some small way.

“I have the next two days off. But Harriet said you’re headed to Seattle with your parents?” I said it as a question, hoping he’d tell me that he’d only be gone for the day.

Grant’s body seemed to string tight at my words. “Yeah, they want me to fly to Boston with them next week.”

“Another business trip?” Clark often had his family accompany him to various conferences and events.

Grant’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, a sure sign that I wasn’t going to like whatever he had to say. “Not exactly,” he muttered.

“Then what are you going for?” Dread crept through my stomach. I hadn’t sensed anything amiss over the past few weeks, but I read it loud and clear now.

“I’ve been trying to figure out the right time to tell you.” He toyed with the hem of his button-down shirt that hung casually untucked, and my stomach twisted into a painful knot. “I got into Harvard. Dad really wanted me to go. Said he’d get me a sick apartment if I agreed.”

“Acceptance letters come out in April.” It was the only thing I could think of to say. It was the end of July now. Four months. A third of a year. And that whole time, we’d been planning a life together, one that was supposed to start in a matter of weeks. “I didn’t apply to any schools in Boston.”

The wince he gave me was all I needed to know. Grant wasn’t planning on me coming with him. Tears burned the backs of my eyes. “How long have you known?”

He reached out for me, but I retreated, and his hands fell back to his sides. “Not long, I swear.”

The way his eyes shifted to the left told me that he was lying. That lie broke something in me. “Just a couple of nights ago, we were looking at apartments in Seattle online.” My breaths started coming quicker. “Was that some kind of sick joke to you?”

“No, Kenna. Never. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I love you, but…”

His words trailed off as he stepped closer. The scent of the perfume clinging to him had my stomach roiling. “But what?” My voice cracked on the question.

“But I need some time to be free. We’re so young. I love you, but I’m not ready to settle down. We should spend some time apart before we do that. I think we’ll both feel better about it in the end.” He cupped my face, but I couldn’t even feel his hands. I’d gone completely numb. “You’re still my forever, I just need to have college on my own first.”

My breathing picked up speed again as if no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get my lungs to fully inflate. My fingers began to tingle as I stepped out of Grant’s hold. Air, I needed air.

“Kenna? Shit, are you okay? Just breathe.”

Grant ran a hand down my back, and I didn’t have the strength to shy away from it. I was too consumed with the effort of trying to catch my breath. “I’m. Pregnant.”

He recoiled as if I told him I had a flesh-eating disease. “Y-you’re what?”

“Pregnant. I’m pregnant.” Just saying the words out loud made my breathing even out, as if they were a call to arms. My baby needed me. I couldn’t lose it now.

“But you said you’re on the pill. Did you lie?”

My head snapped up. “No, I didn’t lie. No form of birth control is one hundred percent effective.”

Grant’s gaze narrowed on me. “But we used condoms most of the time, too.”

Most of the time. My mind circled around the words. “Every time. You had one every time.”

His eyes shifted—that same tell. But this time, it cut deep. “Once or twice, I didn’t actually put it on.”

I stared unblinking at the face of the boy I loved. The one who’d been my first everything. From holding his hand in a darkened movie theater to letting him have the piece of myself I’d held onto for eighteen years. He’d made me feel special, cherished, wanted. And for a girl who’d spent so much of her life feeling like a castoff, being wanted was everything.

“You knew how scared I was of this. Of being like my mother. Of people thinking I’m like her.” I didn’t regret my little bean, not one bit. I was going to love him or her with everything I had in me. But that didn’t change the betrayal of Grant’s actions. Apparently, he didn’t care enough about my fears to protect us both.

He straightened. “If you were truly on the pill, it wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t use a condom a few times. Hell, maybe you cheated on me. This baby probably isn’t even mine.”

“How can you say something like that? You know me. You know that I would never do anything to betray you.” My heart was cracking. As if the organ had been submerged in subzero temperatures.

The boy I thought I knew better than myself suddenly seemed like a stranger. I’d always known that Grant had a short temper. He was used to getting things the exact way he wanted. But I never expected that he’d turn on me. I was the one who listened when his parents were too busy with work and charity galas. I was the one who explained where he was coming from when Harriet lost her patience with him. I made sure he stayed on top of his schoolwork. I cheered him on at every football game. I’d held him as he’d cried when his grandfather died. How could he forget all of that in the blink of an eye?

Grant began pacing back and forth. “You heard about Lacey, didn’t you? The parties? You think you can trap me?”

I blanched, my mouth falling open, but I couldn’t seem to form words, and my mind rapidly spun. The sickly-sweet scent tickled the back of my brain. Lacey. It was the perfume of the girl who had made my growing up years on the island torture. Throwing my mom’s drunkenness and abandonment in my face more times than I could count. Tripping me in the hallway. Writing nasty things on my locker. The boy who was the love of my life, the father of my baby, smelled like…Lacey.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain slicing at my chest. “How could you?”

He scoffed. “You really think I was going to wait around for years when you were locked up tighter than a drum? Just because you’re the hottest girl on the island doesn’t mean you’re going to lead me around by the balls. God, you’re so damn naïve.”

All it took was one spark. The discovery of one lie that ignited a chain reaction, revealing all of the other deceits. But the worst realization of all was that there was no way Grant loved me. He never had. I was only a pretty face to him. A beautiful possession. That spark sent the future I’d been building in my mind, the home I’d thought would be my forever, up in flames.

Grant began backing away towards the lawn. “I don’t want a damn thing to do with any baby. If it is mine, then get rid of it. Because if you don’t, you’re on your own.”

I reared back as if he’d physically struck me, though that would’ve been less painful. “You don’t mean that.”

“The hell, I don’t.” Those hazel eyes I loved so much hardened with a glint I’d never seen before. “My dad warned me you might try and pull a crazy stunt to get me to stay. Said you’d try to guilt me, to manipulate me. But I never thought you’d stoop so low. You make me sick.” With that parting blow, he tore off, moving up the hillside and towards his house.

My body trembled as I sank to the rocky sand. If I didn’t sit, I worried I’d fall. I pressed my back against the worn wood of the log. This was one of my favorite spots on the estate. A place I’d always found peace. Somewhere that reminded me how limitless the Universe was, and how small I was in it. I’d always found that comforting, as if whatever I struggled with was so tiny compared to the vastness of the sea surrounding me. Now, I just felt empty. Totally and completely alone.

I pictured the ocean rolling up, the waves swallowing me whole and pulling me out and into that expanse. I craved it, letting myself go. I blinked against the sting of the salt air.

I guess I wasn’t so different from my mother, after all. Eighteen. Pregnant. Alone. I gave myself a good shake. No. I’d fight with tooth and nail to make sure that’s where the similarities ended. Even if I had to do it with no help at all.

1

Kenna

PRESENT

“How the hell has she roped us into doing this foo-foo bendy stuff more than once a week?”

Bell laughed as we watched Caelyn ease Harriet into a gentle stretch. “Because you love Harriet more than any other human on this planet, and the foo-foo bendy stuff has been good for her blood pressure.”

I huffed and leaned back on my mat. Bell was right. Yoga had been good for Harriet’s heart and her spirit. Plus, it was an excuse to get outside and enjoy The Gables’ grounds. No matter how much time passed, I never tired of the gorgeous view.

“You’re supposed to be in pigeon pose, Kenna. That looks great, Bell.”

I growled something unintelligible at Caelyn before getting into the posture. “Teacher’s pet,” I groused at Bell.

She grinned and shrugged. “I like yoga.”

I sighed and attempted to relax into the stretch. I did my best to force my mental to-do list out of my mind, to not think about everything I could’ve used this hour and a half to accomplish. It was Saturday, and I was with my favorite people in the world. These women were my rocks. They’d been beacons of light when my entire world had been pitch-black.

And now, years later, we were all back on the island where we’d grown up together. Time had passed, but the closeness we shared hadn’t changed a bit. If anything, it had grown stronger, the bond cementing itself into the marrow of who we were.

“How are things with Henry?”

Bell’s question jolted me out of my memories. I pushed deeper into the stretch, relishing the bite of burn. “They’re fine.”

“Sounds like things are hot and heavy, just full of passion.”

I grabbed the towel at the end of my mat and chucked it at her. “Not everyone gets reunited with their lost love and spends days at a time locked away in their brand-new house in the hills.” But not everyone wanted that either. If I never saw my lost love again, it would be too soon.

The smile fell from Bell’s face, and I wanted to kick myself. “You deserve real love, Ken. Not just the imitation kind that makes you feel safe.”

I focused my attention on switching my pigeon pose to the other side. I didn’t want to think about just how little of a spark I had with Henry. “We’ve only been on a couple of dates. It’s not serious.”

Bell made a humming noise. Years of friendship meant that I could translate the sound to: bullshit. I cleared my throat. “So, how’s the new space coming along?”

It was just the thing to ask. Bell’s eyes lit with excitement, something I hadn’t seen in my own in a decade. “I think it’s going to be perfect. I should be ready to open the shop doors in just a few weeks.”

I twisted to face her. “That’s great. You couldn’t find a more ideal location.” Main Street housed all of the essential tourist stops for our small island of fifteen hundred people, and it was just a stone’s throw from the bar Bell’s fiancé owned. “Is Ford happy?”

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