She dropped her gaze, hating how happy it made her when he said things like that. She wanted to collect the words and store them somewhere for safekeeping. “We cure a lot of people, too, so there’s joy as well. But no matter how much we have to celebrate, it’s the grief that can be crippling.”

“How can you stand it?” His voice came out a little hoarse.

“I went to a lecture once, about compassion fatigue for health care providers. The way the speaker put it was so perfect, and I’ll never forget it. He said when a patient dies, they go into one of three categories. Some are like a balloon released into the sky. Those are the ones that maybe we didn’t treat for very long, or we played only a small part in their care. Though we’re sad when they pass, they kind of float away from our memories as the days go by. Others are ones that meant a lot, and whom we got to know well. When they die, we wear them like a backpack…where they’ll always be, carried around with us and never forgotten.” She paused and took a deep breath. Her chin trembled, and she swallowed. “Then there’s the third category. For those patients, their loss is so painful, the grief so debilitating and overwhelming, that we have to shut them away in a drawer, because thinking about them is too raw.”

Tears formed behind her eyelids, and she blinked to keep them contained.

Andrew swallowed and focused on the bowl of ice cream. “This Kiki, he’s in the third group?”

“Yes.”

Andrew slowly scooped a bite of ice cream and put it in his mouth. He swallowed and said, “You really are amazing. I hope you know that.”

She looked across the table, and the second her eyes connected with those warm brown ones, the words tumbled out. “You’re pretty wonderful yourself.” Another thought occurred to her, and she smiled. “I saw you talking to Jasmine. That’s a feat in and of itself. I’ve tried to befriend that girl for months.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but I’m working on it. She seemed sad.”

“She’s fourteen, and she’s smart. Her disease isn’t curable, and she knows it.”

Andrew suddenly looked like the breath had been knocked out of him. “Fuck, this has been the most depressing day I’ve ever had.”

Lauren leaned forward and put her hand over his. “Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested you do this…”