‘Erna – you didn’t tell him?’

‘Just read it.’

I wait until we reach Erna’s flat before I open it. Erna goes to be with her father, leaving me and Kuschi alone together in her room.

My Darling Hetty,

The first thing I must say is: do not be angry with your dear friend, Erna. I know that you did not want me to know, for the sake of my happiness, what has happened. But she has told me, and she was right to do so. I cannot imagine how you have borne this on your own all these months.

I also cannot write here all the emotions I’ve felt since I had news of your pregnancy. I am just so sorry, and so full of self-hate that I let this happen, and that I’ve abandoned you when you needed me most. You know that I would desperately love to be with you forever, and to raise our little family together. It would make me happier than you could ever know. But there is little point in dwelling on this, because it is impossible.

Erna has given me the basic facts of your awful situation. That the pregnancy is a secret and once the child is born, your mother has arranged for it to be taken to a Jewish orphanage. Hetty, I believe the full facts of what is truly planned for us Jews is being suppressed in Germany. Suffice to say here that I worry our baby is in grave danger. For this reason, I believe there is only one solution to give him or her the chance of a decent life.

I have told Anna all about you – about us – and now about this baby. I needn’t go into detail, but after many tears and frank discussions, Anna has agreed that, if you are also in agreement, the baby should come to live with us. She will raise it as her own, love and nurture it, as will I. Anna is afraid that if, one day, you were ever to come for him or her, you may try to steal me away too. I have done my best to reassure her, but in my heart of hearts, how can I make such an emphatic promise? Should you turn up one day at our door, I do not know that I could stay. A large piece of me will always belong to you and I suppose she can sense that. It is not an easy way to start our married life.

To be writing these words, to think of you reading them, is torture. I want you to know that, whatever we can do to help you, I will move heaven and earth to do it. I cannot bear to think of our child in an orphanage. The priority must be to get him/her out of Germany as soon as possible. It is almost unconscionable to think that anyone would do any harm to a baby, but after what I experienced in that camp, I do not doubt it. In these last six months I have seen the worst, and also the best, of what human kind is capable of.