The heat is spreading. I’m burning up inside, boiling with a rage I’ve suppressed for weeks. ‘You’re my saviour? Doing this from the goodness of your heart? Don’t kid yourself, Tomas. This suits you just fine. Get rid of the problem and be left with just the part you want. Me. But what if I don’t go along with your plan? What if I say no?’ I stand still in the middle of the street, every cell in my body screaming. ‘I am not like you, Tomas. It wasn’t “that vile Jew’s fault” I’m pregnant. He never forced me to do anything. We loved each other. I did it willingly with him because I wanted to. Because he is a wonderful, kind human being. Jews are no different to anybody else. It’s lies. All of it. There is no evil conspiracy to take over the world, unless you’re Hitler, of course!’

‘Shut up!’

‘No, I won’t shut up. For once, I’m going to speak the truth—’

Tomas grabs hold of both of my wrists, squeezes them hard. Shakes me. But I won’t stop now.

‘Yes! That’s the truth. Hitler’s the evil one who’s wrong, who lies. There is no master race, no inherent superiority. Everyone is the same, Jew or non-Jew, African or Aryan. We’re all human—’

‘Shut the fuck up!’ Tomas shouts, shaking me harder. ‘How dare you!’

‘I’m going to keep this baby!’ I yell. ‘Over my dead body will I let anyone take it away!’

Tomas jerks my wrists so hard, I cry out in pain.

‘Enough,’ he commands, without relinquishing his grasp.

I’m gasping for breath, my cheeks wet with tears.

‘Have you finished with the dramatic little outburst?’

My energy is spent and he loosens his grip, dropping my wrists. We stare at each other, eye to eye. And then, his mouth twitches. A snigger at first, then full-on laughter. He stops laughing and lunges forward, grabbing me around the waist, bringing his face right down close to mine.

‘Hetty,’ he says, in a high voice, ‘we will never mention this conversation again. But you remember just who you are, and what you have done. You have no choices. I’m your only hope. And don’t worry, I shan’t lay a hand on you until that thing is out of your belly. The idea is repellent. I shall wait. I’ve grown used to waiting. And when you are ready, I will cleanse you, mind and body, and you will belong to me, completely.’

He pulls me towards him, and kisses me on the mouth, full and hard.

I choke, try to push him away, but he’s too strong.

My mind clears. Oh, Tomas, you think you have the better of me. But as long as I live and breathe, I will never love you, because my love belongs to another.

And know this too: my mind will always be free.

*

Five minutes after Tomas leaves me at home, I walk fast to Erna’s flat. Thankfully she is there. I’m shaking so much, it takes me time and a long drink of water before I’m calm enough to talk.